It’s a relic frozen in time

Like Captain America stuck in ice, Sanggano… is a film that is frozen in time, particularly the ‘90s when people didn’t just know Andrew E as the guy who gets banned from Gundam selling communities. This means that for all intents and purposes, you are watching a ‘90s era Viva Film, only this time with lead stars going through a midlife crisis as they mack on women half their age, while their former leading ladies in the ‘90s now play mommy roles for the younger women instead. Worse, they even ran with a mistaken identity plotline that could be resolved by Facebook in seconds, which kinda exists in 2019.

The comedy was cringe-inducing even back then, so watching it now, and seeing Janno, Dennis, and Andrew pretend they’re still 20-something deadbeats because that’s the extent of their acting talent just feels equal parts pathetic and creepy.

They make a song out of the movie title

A staple of most ‘90s films, Sanggano… has a song based on its title. Complete with rapping from Andrew E. 

Andrew E’s flow is so old and outdated, it doesn’t belong on this music video, but in the National museum.

Women still can’t get enough of these three guys

We could barely buy it when Patricia Javier was pretending to be into these guys then, but now we’re supposed to buy that her equally hot daughter is also into them?!?

They didn’t fight in a warehouse, but…

They had action scenes in the middle of a big party. Because of course they did. And yes, the police arrived at the end of it all – except it wasn’t the end! We’d be happy about the fact that finally, something did not follow every ‘90s movie ever, if it weren’t for the part where it meant that the movie wasn’t finished yet. Whyyyyyy.

Their jokes were ripped straight from the ‘90s

And the jokes they stole from that decade were so bad, the ‘90s don’t even want to ask for them back! Name it: jokes about the blind where the punchline is that they can’t see? Jokes about ugly gay people where the punchline is how ugly they are and therefore, deserving of being punched in the face? Raunchy green jokes that even your Tito Boy would be embarrassed to tell because of how forced they are and how rape-y they sound in hindsight? You name it, and they made sure to poke fun at it, minus the part where any of it was remotely fun. It’s not like I have anything against offensive jokes, to begin with: I’ve seen a lot of edgy humor that’s downright hilarious. This, on the other hand is “Dirty Old Man” comedy, and exactly as toothless as one.

Eddie Garcia still stole the show

In the ‘90s, as he did every other decade, Eddie Garcia was often one of the best things going in a bunch of horrible movies. Let’s face it: Eddie Garcia is so legendary that nobody cared how many bad flicks he starred in. It might be a stain on any other actor’s legacy that “Sanggano…” would end up being the last movie they ever star in, but not for the late Eddie Garcia. He chewed that scenery up, and he chewed it up real good.

The funniest part of the film wasn’t even any of the main cast

No, guys. The funnies part of the entire film was an excerpt from Wanlu the ventriloquist’s routine. In fact, it was so funny, they decided to give his bit a good five minutes even if it did absolutely nothing to advance the film’s already thin plot. Watching the cast laugh genuinely for the first time in the entire film at his jokes makes you feel bad at the number of times the movie thought they could make you laugh with their jokes – or at least, what they mistakenly thought were jokes but were actually cries for help.

When your comedy movie is so unfunny that you need a completely unrelated cameo to up its laughs ratio, you know you have problems.

You’re reminded of how few people were in the ‘90s

Compared to the 110 million Filipinos living in the country today, there were only about 62 million Filipinos in the ‘90s. You’re reminded of this huge difference in population the moment you walk into the theater to watch Sanggano, Sanggago, at Sanggwapo and realize you’re the only idiot who did so.

So, y’know, if you wanted to experience having a cinema all to yourself, by all means, go ahead and watch this movie. But if you were expecting to turn your brain off and have fun, surprise surprise: even with your brain off, this movie will still insult your intelligence.

*The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of the 8List.ph.

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