Biceps and Beer Guts: The 8List Guide to the Dad Bod
May 5, 2015 • Kevin Christian L. Santos
[dropcap letter=”F”]rom “normcore,” the new buzzword passed around by millennials and digital natives (i.e. people who internet too much) is the “dad bod.” What is a dad bod? What constitutes a dad bod? Is there a my dad’s-friend’s-roommate’s-cousin’s bod?
According to Mackenzie Pearson, the person who first coined the term, the dad bod says “I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.” It’s not a guy with six-pack abs, but it’s not a fat, overweight guy either. Not incredibly chiseled, but not totally unhealthy. Think Jon Hamm:
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Or Chris Pratt before he hulked out for Guardians of the Galaxy and Jurassic World:
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Or Leonardo Dicaprio, whose dad bod hasn’t prevented him from hooking up with a Victoria’s Secret Angel or two:
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So why are women crazy over the dad bod? Pearson says “Girls tend to picture their future together with their guys early on. Therefore, if he already has the dad bod going on, we can get used to it before we date him, marry him, have three kids.” She continues, “he’s the kind of person you go on a hike with, and then at the end of the day, you eat pasta and lay in bed and watch a movie.” That, and because nobody wants to cuddle with a rock.
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Want to have a full-on dad bod? It’s easy! Just follow these steps:
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Why? Because fatty calories. And because it’s pizza.
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And by cheat days, we mean eating a few “healthy” meals like salad in between your calorie-packed fiestas. Why? So you could still see your pee-pee when you take your shirt off. And you know, because health is still important.
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To fast track to the dad bod’s dad-gut, it’s a good idea to be too busy or too lazy to go work out. If you do work out, work out when you want to (because again, health is important) and avoid personal trainers. They will force you to get washboard abs, something that is completely alien to dad bods.
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Done working out? Follow it up with a snack. Done having a meal? Follow it up with a snack. Done taking a shit? Follow it up with a snack. Like a bacon and beef jerky sundae. Remember, when in doubt: snack time!
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Besides making any food more delicious (sorry, cheese), butter is a fatty food that is actually good for you! From being a great source of vitamins and anti-oxidants, butter should be your favorite food. Get the dad bod the delicious way!
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Besides having health benefits from moderate drinking, excess beer drinking can lead to weight gain (i.e. beer belly) and a hangover, making you lazier to go work out the next morning. Drink responsibly and loose the hangover with a greasy and juicy burger. Or try any of these.
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Basically, getting a dad bod means eating what you want and being lazy or fit whenever the hell you feel like it. Should you feel bad if you have a dad bod? No. There will be plenty of women out there who will find that beer gut of yours adorably sexy, and will fall for you for something inside you and not just because of your body.
Should you feel bad if you have a muscular and trim body? No. At the end of the day, we put our pants on one leg at a time, just like everybody else. We’re only human, and we should be proud of ourselves, be comfortable in our own skin, dad bod or fit bod or whatever. Strut and walk tall!
How about you guys? What are your thoughts on the dad bod? Get your beer gut-fuelled stories and opinions in the comments section below!
