4. We will fool them by giving them honest, sincere compliments!
You know how we can fool women to allow us to catcall them without them getting oh-so-offended? We will do it by treating them like fellow human beings! We will strike them up in polite conversation and tell them in a very honest but non-imposing manner that we think they’re actually attractive. When they smile and thank us, we will not take it as a sign that they are reciprocating our compliment!
3. We will woo them by getting to know them better!
To continue our catcalling, if they do reciprocate interest, we will find a way to meet them in casual, non-threatening settings. We will talk to them and be interested in what they have to say, and be awesome people. This is all part of the master plan! We will go out with them. Sometimes, we pay, sometimes they do, sometimes we split the bill, because it’s freaking 2016 and that’s how we roll. And as we get to know them better, their hopes and dreams and everything about them, we will continue cultivating our genuine interest in that person if it’s there, and just politely drop it if it isn’t! All so we could catcall them with impunity!
2. We will beguile them with our real selves!
They will never see our catcalling coming when they see our true selves: every insecurity we have, our strengths, our weaknesses, our hopes and dreams, as people who enter relationships are wont to do. Our true selves that recognize what a useless and cheap act catcalling really is. When they keep seeing that, they will never be prepared for when we finally drop…
1. We will finally catcall.
When our feelings are mutual, and all signs point to “yes,” we will catcall them. Except our catcall will suspicious sound a lot like “I love you, will you be my girlfriend?”
When they respond with a “no,” we will smile, thank them and move on. They didn’t fall for our ultimate plan, but we have better things to do than to get angry about it.
When they respond with a “yes,” congratulations! We have now successfully catcalled without getting into any trouble at all! It may have been under the guise of entering a perfectly normal, loving, and consensual relationship, but a win’s a win and we will take it!
Don’t purr-castinate and meow-zy on over to the comments section to share your thoughts!