Heneral Luna
Before you use this voice, make sure there are no kids in the car. As a guide, this film hero persona would perfectly express your deep-seated rage at unrelenting traffic.
Just don’t be surprised when he quips, “Ganito ba talaga ang tadhana natin? Kalaban ng traffic. Kalaban ng kapwa sasakyan. Nakakapagod.” or when Waze presents you with alternative routes and he shouts, “EDSA o C5? Pumili ka!”
Kim Atienza
Now this is great for when you have the kids on board. Nothing can be more educational than filling in those long hours of commute with signature Kuya Kim trivia: “Usad pagong na naman ang trapiko. Speaking of pagong, alam niyo ba na ang Galapagos turtle ang longest living reptile sa buong mundo?”
Mar Roxas
I’m actually surprised his team has not thought of this yet since he seems to have done it all transportation-wise–from being a secretary of DOTC to a traffic enforcer, from being an actual driver to a presidentiable who compared the elections to hiring a driver.
In addition to his voice, Waze may also tweak some features: the color of chosen route will change from violet to yellow; sometimes, other celebrities will do cameo voiceovers; and the algorithm, instead of looking for the fastest route, will now search for the one that travels only in direct lines. As an added bonus, he’ll notify you of the closest drug dens during your trip.
Kris Aquino
Oh yes! There’s a reason she’s the Queen of All Media–heaven knows she doesn’t let us forget it. Let her ubiquitous voice start your Waze navigation with: “Simulan na natin ang biyahe. Game ka na ba?”
She might share some too familiar anecdotes during the commute (“In 500 meters, turn right on Ortigas Avenue. Oh, I remember I brought Bimby in Greenhills, then he saw a lot of people na nagsisiksikan. Sabi niya, “Mama, what’s siksik?”), or she or might even break down when you don’t follow the suggested route (“I felt violated as a woman. I promised I would be strong but it’s so unfair. Ginawa ko ang lahat para sayo. Isinakripisyo ko ang lahat.”).
Of course, having hosted a lot of game shows, she will sometimes ask you: “Makakarating ka in 35 minutes kapag sinunod mo ang route ko. Is it a deal or no deal?” Just be careful in using this feature because there is no known way to make this stop.
Who would you want to have as a voice navigator on Waze? Share your picks in the comments below!
