It’s all the rage today in anyone who thinks rumor-mongering is something we should get all huffed up about, this #LeniLeaks thing. Essentially, an email thread on YahooGroups(!), of all places, turned up what people insist is an ouster plot rife with sedition, and insisted on linking it to the vice president despite no evidence whatsoever.
If all these rumors are to be held true, then the beleaguered VP certainly had a pretty busy year: she apparently cheated an election while leaving her running mate with nothing, got pregnant at 52 years of age, did nothing in her functionally ceremonial role as spare tire, attended rallies calling for the resignation of the president, is planning an ouster of the president with zero military support, all while posing for two, count ‘em, two magazine covers. Not six, since those other cover shoots were well before she became vice president. Two. Which is half the number of covers the president has been on since being elected, but you don’t hear people calling him lazy for doing those shoots.
Sexism? Double standards? Frailties of a woman? Who knows, really? In the end, one thing sticks out in this whole affair like a sore thumb: the fact that apparently, in 2017, Yahoo! Groups is still a thing, and this might mean that the super-secret, super-powerful cabal pulling the strings to get the Liberal Party back in power despite most of its members already jumping ship to President Duterte’s party is so smart that they depend on Yahoo Groups and keep it public, like some amazing mishmash of super-smart yet hyper-incompetent enemies of change.
The thing is…they’re apparently correct. Thanks to our amazing powers of investigation, we have discovered #LeniLeaks in all sorts of places. Places like…
8. Edsa Mail
Ang tanging EDSA na mabilis.
At a mere 1 peso per day, Edsa Mail allowed you to email like there was no tomorrow, and without requiring you to stay on dial-up for oh so long!
Given these excellent conditions for secrecy and distinct lack of need for connectivity, is it any surprise that #LeniLeaks would end up here?
7. Angelfire
Nothing says elegance quite like a Marquee.
As a free host for budding website developers in the late ‘90s, Angelfire truly allowed for some memorable websites. Well, one of those websites contains the plans to oust the president, we’re sure!
6. MIRC
ASL? 52/F/QC RECEPTION HOUSE
Viber? Pffft. Whatsapp? Bah. If you want to have a secure conversation while you are plotting to overthrow the government, MIRC is the place to go. Just make sure to go to the #WeH8Du30 chatroom, and you’re all set!
5. Friendster
Have you seen Loida’s testi for Leni yet? It’s a doozy!
4. Inside a Royal Dansk Tin
The only tin for the discerning Tita.
Hidden in the middle of sewing tools and anything but actual butter cookies, this Royal Dansk Tin is a treasure trove of conspiracy.
3. WinAmp
Spotify, eat your heart out!
Using the power of Limewire, WinAmp is how our experts on the art of sedition transferred audio files with each other. Playing it on WinAmp only magnifies the effect.
2. A Tablet
No. Not THAT tablet.
You can’t spell “old school” without a tablet. Well, you actually can, but you can’t spell “tablet” without “tale,” which is as tall as they come when we have to listen to people with no confirmed sources just for our “news.” If you thought mainstream media was bad, did you think the agent provocateurs would be any more diligent? Hah!
1. Inside a Fortune Cookie
The future doesn’t look too bright.
Believing in what your fortune cookie tells you is about as realistic as believing in a plot as clumsily put together as this. Even if it were true, do you really think it would succeed if it’s this sloppily put together? One can only laugh.
Where else do you think we can find these #LeniLeaks? Share them with us below!
