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8 Rejected New Names For Facebook

  • Posted on Oct 22, 2021Oct 22, 2021
  • 2 minute read
  • Kel Fabie
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By now, everyone should know: Facebook is renaming itself next week. Not that it really solves anything, or changes anything.

In an effort to focus on the new direction Facebook wants to head towards, the so-called metaverse, the social media giant is renaming itself. We still have no idea what it’s going to be called by next week, but here are a few Facebook new name ideas that they left on the cutting room floor. Wonder why?

 

8. Zuckerburg

Think Pittsburgh, or Hamburg, or any of those other names for places.

Pros: It sounds benign and inoffensive.
Cons: It sounds benign and inoffensive.

 


7. Textbook

Because that’s what we should be reading for information about stuff instead of Facebook.

Pros: It reminds us what our priorities should be.
Cons: Unleeeeeess that textbook was published by *i*** Publishing, of course…

 

6. MySpaceBook

We’re just a Friendster reference away from a total throwback!

Pros: Tom of MySpace wouldn’t mind the props at this point.
Cons: Who knew the march of technology would also be backwards?

 

5. DontLeave.com

Just stating how it feels sometimes, y’know?

Pros: Highly accurate
Cons: Highly accurate.

 

4. AlgoF***Myself

That algorithm is practically responsible for how some elections in some countries turned out.

Pros: It’s what that algorithm deserves.
Cons: But the one who set up that algorithm clearly is getting away with it.

 


3. Faschplash

Y’know, short for Fascist Splash.

Pros: It seems about right. -leaning, that is.
Cons: ervative Agenda.

 

2. SuperMeta

Because here at SuperMeta, we’ve got it all for you!

Pros: There’s so much more, and such a lot.
Cons: Their customer support are not *snap* *snap* *clap* Happy To Serve!

 

1. BraveNewWorld

Oh, Aldous Huxley. What would we ever do without you?

Pros: It truly is a brave new world.
Cons: Up next: one of those dystopic Battle-Royale style competitions, coming up!

 

Got any Facebook new name ideas? Pitch ’em in the comments!


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  • Facebook
  • social media
Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.


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