N now renewed for the second season of pandemic quarantine, Pinoys have been staving off the boredom by any means possible. Recently, we’ve wondering what the surnames of famous celebrities with ‘mononyms’—or those known by their single names. These include singers like Nina, Kyla, Jaya, and true enough, Filipino netizens’ boredom and wit have given birth to hilarious answers like “Nina Live,” “Kyla Ngan,” and “Jaya Betis.”
Another celebrity who kept the netizens abuzz is bossa nova singer Sitti. Although the now married singer’s real name is Sitti Navarro-Ramirez, she has always been addressed as Sitti. But recently, the singer revealed in her Instagram post that she was almost set up on a date with Filipino model Jon Hall. She then immediately declined because of the fear of officially becoming “Sitti Hall”.
So in that vein, here are 8 *~completely imaginary~* celebrity couples who would’ve given us hilarious name combinations:
Sandara Park + Jeric Teng = Sandara Teng
The thing is, Sandara Park might not even know former UST Growling Tigers basketball icon and now Pasig Sta. Lucia Realtors player Jeric Teng, but the resulting name sounds like a question you’d ask during an existential crisis. “Sa’n darating ‘tong relasyon natin?” a random girl might ask her boyfriend of seven years after reaching a relationship plateau. You could also use this to ask a tour guide in your island hopping tour, “kuya, sa’n darating?”
Venus Raj + Bruno Mars = Venus Mars
Just imagine, two Filipinos who gave immense pride to the country just decide to marry…and the rest is intergalactic history.
Plot twist: Mrs. Venus Mars wants to continue this epic name legacy and decides to name her firstborn child Venus Earth, her junior. The daughter now becomes Venus Earth Mars. If this child still fails to correctly recite the order of planets in the solar system, ewan ko na lang.
Beauty Gonzales + Paolo Contis = Beauty Contis
Ever wondered why PBB housemate alumna Beauty Gonzales didn’t even dare to say yes to former child star Paolo Contis? Aside from the obvious fact that Paolo was already married to Starstruck alumna LJ Reyes and it could cause another massive showbiz controversy (God forbid, we had enough), well another theory is that Beauty might just end up being referred to as Beauty Contis. Although we know Filipinos are massive fans of beauty pageants and Beauty is without a doubt beautiful, just put yourself in the shoes of Beauty if a Starbucks barista would call her by the name Beauty Contis…
Beth Tamayo + Marc Logan = Beth Logan
Former actress Beth Tamayo has left the limelight since she married in 2004. And in 2008, she migrated to the US. And now at 43 years old, she just announced that she’s expecting her first baby. But just imagine if Filipino journalist Marc Logan just came in a tad bit earlier in Beth’s life, maybe in 2003, could Beth just be called with this name? I’m giving you the freedom to think whatever you think this is, but we do sure know you know what it is.
Shamcey Supsup + Bilawal Bhutto Zardari = Shamcey Supsup-Bhutto
In 2011, stories about Pakistan’s former prime minister Benazir Bhutto’s only son, Bilawal, dating then Ms. Universe – Philippines candidate Shamcey Supsup circulated. Supsup’s South Asian features really appealed to a South Asian like Bilawal and if these two had a union, Shamcey might just want to prefer using her maiden surname or be forever associated with bulalo.
(But technically, even if they married, Shamcey wouldn’t be named Supsup-Bhutto because Bilawal’s actual surname is Zardari. Bhutto is his mother’s maiden surname. But acknowledging this is no fun, so let’s just ignore it.)
Kuh Ledesma + Brad Pitt = Kuh Pitt
Okay, we know this pairing is far-fetched (as if everything else in this list hasn’t been?). But let’s ignore the fact that Kuh has long been married and Brad has got plenty of baggage from his previous marriages with Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. What would happen if their paths crossed and they fell in love? Maybe, just maybe, they’d end up together and find themselves in a financial crisis. Should Mrs. Kuh Pitt be blamed for Mr. Pitt’s money woes?
Sue Ramirez + Charlie Puth = Sue Puth
Another unlikely celebrity name combination is that of this Filipina actress and American singer. We won’t even bother explaining this, kayo na bahala dito.
Now before these weird celebrity name combinations go out of hand, here’s our last name combo….
Sam Pinto + Sam Milby = still Sam Milby
Have you ever been so in love with your partner that you’d be happy to be addressed by the same name?
If this happened, this could just be one of history’s most selfless acts of love, surrendering one’s self to your partner until death. But if Mrs. Sam Milby and Mr. Sam Milby were to be a life-long couple, then is that the epitome of two becoming one? If they both do a guesting for a show, would it save the host’s time if he would just introduce them to the audience as “our guests for tonight, the Sam Milbys?”
It couldn’t get any more confusing than this.
Did we miss any epic name combinations? Comment below which celebrity name gets you!