It’s the biggest scandal in chess perhaps of all time, and you’re probably wondering how we ended up there. We’re here to give you the behind-the-scenes details.
In what is the most shocking scandal since ever, a basic half-assed Reddit conspiracy theory about chess grandmasters using anal beads (yes) to get AI-assisted information over how to move their pieces has evolved into a full-blown scandal.
Given this shocking scandal, you just know that Netflix is chomping at the bit to adapt the story into its own mini-series. Here are just some of the brainstormed titles you will definitely not see once this show inevitably gets produced…
8. Bashing The Bishop
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Wrong end, maybe?
7. Poker Ace
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Perfect title, wrong game. But anyways. Magnus Carlsen is often considered the greatest chess player of all time, but there are of course at least two other names often considered in the same breath: Gary Kasparov, who was plainly #1 for two whole decades, and Anatoly Karpov, who was often in Kasparov’s shadow, but also a force to be reckoned with.
The American Hans Niemann is nowhere near this list and is not even remotely in anyone’s GOAT lineup. This made him the butt of all the jokes after his unlikely win.
6. A Hole New World
If proven innocent, Hans Niemann deserves more credit. Upsets happen, and if he can keep that momentum going, he might end up proving this wasn’t actually a fluke. Once he can start a good win streak going, then derriere – the accusations were unfounded, after all.
5. Pawn Hub
Mr. Niemann has even recently been offered $1 Million to play a match of chess naked by an adult cam site to prove his innocence and that he has, well, nothing to hide. Real cheeky of them.
4. The Secret To Victory Was Inside Him All Along
Long title, deep meaning. Even without the salacious accusations, Magnus Carlsen didn’t exactly hide his disdain for the loss, and most people chalked up his withdrawal from the tournament as an act of protest against alleged cheating. What a sh!tstorm.
3. The Chocolate Knight: Beads of Glory
Only because “The Dark Knight” was already taken. Further theories believe that someone in Carlsen’s inner circle might have leaked the plan of attack he had for his match against Niemann, and that this advanced knowledged helped Niemann properly prepare so he could come from behind and beat the world’s number one ranked player.
2. A Bum’s Life
We could always have an animated version of this series, too. Chess is such a fascinating game because despite its simple rules, the complexities are such that the game hasn’t even been mathematically solved by computers to this day. Even then, computers have certainly proven that they have an advantage over human players, particularly when Kasparov lost in his rematch to Deep Blue in 1997. Kasparov may not have been thoroughly spanked, but he’s still sore over that to this very day.
1. The King’s Bussy: Check AND Mate
It’s too bad Anya-Taylor Joy has to sit this one out, but you really have to get up at the crack of dawn before you can ever expect to beat any chess grandmaster at a game of chess on a given day. The Philippines has had its share of top players, too, such as Joel Torre’s brother, Eugene.
Soon enough, we’ll get to the bottom of all this controversy, and someday the truth will come out of the hole.
What’s your take on this conspiracy?
