After being pretty much roasted for ten whole minutes via song and short film/music video, Jake Gyllenhaal could only wish he were canceled, instead of whatever circle of hell it is that Taylor Swift banished him to.
After all, sure, Jake’s a talented and highly bankable movie actor, but how exactly does he intend to respond to all the shade Taylor (re)threw at him with Red (Taylor’s Version)? Well, we have a few ideas.
8. Steal the MOA Globe.
Whoops! Guess he’s late to the party, but if there was one way to really distract people from talking about Taylor’s song, it’s staging a massively daring heist, even if the Netflix movie Jake starred in had a decidedly lower budget than last week’s Red Notice.
7. Write his own song.
So how does he intend to go about this? He may have had a funny turn as Mr. Music in John Mulaney’s recent special, but can he even sing? Oh, right.
6. Do a standup comedy set about it.
Well, too bad he’s no Pete Davidson.
5. Ask people to leave him out of this narrative.
Oh, if only!
4. Run for public office.
Well, damn. Wrong country, Jake! Try ours. You’d love it.
3. Buy her earlier catalog from Scooter Braun, then…
… in the ultimate act of turning the other cheek, giving it back to her all for free…
Because if you have to respond to Taylor Swift, taking a page from Selena Gomez’s book and killing with kindness is a pretty rad and conciliatory move.
2. Explain where the infamous scarf went.
So where’s Taylor’s scarf?
We called it.
1. Write a response letter.
This needs no further explanation.
What do you think Jake should do? Sound off in the comments below.