The “kabit” (or mistress in English) is quite a popular phenomenon here in the Philippines, with at least several local movies devoted to this societal reality.
I am fortunate to have loved and have been loved by so many men, both single and, where this list is concerned, married. Which makes me a melodramatic, if not tragic, cautionary tale. Mistresses, take heed.
8. I Still Have a Conscience
Let’s get this out of the way. Even if you felt deeply about your married lover, there will always be a nagging voice in the back of your head saying you are breaking up someone’s marriage, someone’s family, possibly ruining a kid’s future — even if he or she claims they aren’t happy anymore.
7. Paranoia
You know you’re dealing with a cheater. So he’s probably cheating on you, too, and God knows with how many others. It’s just so hard to trust him.
6. It’s Hard Work
You work harder than the spouse to keep the relationship going, fulfilling fantasies and whims the spouse cannot.
5. “No Marks!”
No biting, no hickeys, no nails. Can’t get too passionate or lost in the heat of the moment or else he’ll be found out the moment he takes his shirt off at home.
4. There’s Never Enough Time
You can’t even be seen watching a movie or having dinner together. 3 hours in a motel room twice or thrice a week isn’t enough.
3. He Has Regrets
That’s probably why he’s rushing to take a shower as soon as he’s done with you (or after that cigarette). And he can’t use the soap or else his wife will wonder why he smells so fresh when he comes home at 3 in the morning — when he said he was just drinking with the boys.
2. The Waiting
Sometimes, you just cannot help but feel you aren’t the priority. His family, his work, his friends, they all usually come first. And then number 7 starts to gnaw at you.
1. Valentine’s is the Loneliest Day
Just imagine all the fun he’s having with his wife tonight while you’re alone in your room watching Scandal or Pretty Little Liars waiting to see him tomorrow. Unless he gave you shopping money which you might find insulting if you really ‘loved’ each other.
What do you think of being a kabit or kabits in general? Do let us know in the comments.
24 comments
Shortage of men and a lot of Philippino women get on very well with each other, it is a cooperative society.
Solution polygamy.
mistress – nakaka – stress.
The other woman should accept the fact that sooner or later that cheat married man will find another kabit to replace her.The wife although being cheated will remain as the legal one until that stupid bastard will die in another other woman’s bed. The wife can also play the same game as her husband.So who is the loser in this game? Yes, the third party .So, make a choice, be the legal or be the undocumented one?
Naawa lang ako sa second wife ng brother ko kapag napapag-usapan ang kabit kasi sabi nila since my brother is still legally married to his first wife, the second is still considered a mistress. I had never seen my brother this happy though syempre may mga hindi din sila pinagkakasunduan. He is happy with this family unlike doon sa isang family. even my pamangkins would throw tantrums if their wants were not given immediately. binabastos na nga nila daddy nila. honestly, habang kasama pa ng brother ko yung first wife nagkaron na ng relationship sila ni second (don’t get me wrong ha kasi we did not approved that before ha pero hindi kasi kami nakikialam sa relationship ng brother). my brother left his wife not because of the 2nd but because of the reasons i mentioned before. nakipaghiwalay na din si 2nd sa brother ko before dahil nga sa situation. My brother still pursue 2nd kasi he really loves her (yun sabi niya). and the rest is history…
I find it saddening that women in The Phils are such an economic underclass. They are forced to rent sex time just to stay housed and fed! Many would love to settle with a decent man. Decent men wish they could comfort 1,000 but of course we can only help and heal ONE. The Phils men believe they prove their masculinity by having several lovers and families. They think they can visit a priest and say, “Forgive me Father, I have sinned” and it’s all clean. But it’s never clean. Children born to broken homes are lasting painful scars on the landscape. Women who trusted such men are betrayed and in pain over it for the next 20-years and longer. Men here need a moral compass and a spiritual revival.
I am praying for something like that to happen too, that men here will have morals that they will not use to justify something that is totally wrong. Actually men here in the Philippines need to respect themselves more. Ang respeto hindi nanggagaling sa pagiging maskulado mo, kundi sa kung paano ka makipag-kapwa. At the same time we should teach the next generation the value of self-respect, kasi kung may respeto ka sa sarili mo magkakarespeto ka rin para sa ibang tao. At sa respeto manggagaling ang moralidad. :)
baliktarin mo man ang mundo ng paulit-ulit sa mata ng lahat,mali parin yun right?.. Sa una lang naman yan masaya.. tandaan ”
Walang Permanente sa mundo”.. And besides, bakit ka pa papayag na tawaging “my other one” kung meron namang gustong tumawag sayo ng “my only one” Come to think of it. ☺
Barbie, we are talking about KABITs here not the LEGAL WIFE. KABIT comes in while the relationship is still on. Hindi na yan KABIT kung wala na ang relasyon… kaya nga they are called the HOME WRECKER kasi KABIT nga lang… I understand na ganyan ka mag react kasi pangit talaga ang ginawa ng LEGAL SISTER-IN-LAW mo… pero wak ka nang mag strong kasi hindi ang HILAW mong sister-in-law ang natatamaan dito… kasi HINDI sya KABIT… sya ang SAVIOR ng brother mo… hindi rin sya matatawag na KABIT kasi hindi sila on while on si brother at si sister-in-law… kay hayaan mo na kaming i-hate ang mga kabit.
Hindi gwapo ang tatay ko pero marami syang babae. Sa katunayan nga, may little brother ako na anak nya sa ibang babae pero tinanggap parin namin ng nanay ko. Nasa bahay namin ang bata ngayon na parang parte na rin nga pamilya. Naaawa ako sa Nanay ko kasi blind sya. Akala nya wala nang babae ang tatay ko pero alam ko patuloy parin si Tatay at si KABIT (capslock para intense) na Mama ng kapatid kong hilaw. At di pa jan nag tatapos ang KABIT fever… ilang taon na kaming nakatira sa bahay na nakatayo dahil lang sa tulong ng mga kapatid ng Tatay ko pero kahit na regular employee sya sa San Miguel-Yamamura Packaging Corp. ay di parin mapintapintahan ang bahay naming maliit… dahil may sideline pa pala syang KABIT… ako sa Cebu Normal University lang ako nag graduate at ang tuition fee ko ay di tataas sa 3,000 per sem… hayon! ang kabit ng Tatay nag University of San Carlos… kahit itriple pa ang tuition fee ko whole school year hindi maka half sa tuition fee ng babae nyang ilang taon lang ang agwat sa’kin…
Nakakainis lang talaga… ako ngayon ang nagsasalo sa mga gawain ng Tatay ko. Pinaglalaroan nya ang nanay ko at ang mga babae…. yan tuloy… ang karma na’sakin na… nabuntis ako… walang ama… broken family. Pero hahahah si Tatay parang wala lang…
masarap nga siguro ang kabit noh? mga nakaw na halik, mga nakaw na gabi, mga nakaw na sandali… nakakapanabik talaga… well sana naman maisip ng mga kabit jan…
SILA NA NGAYON ANG MGA MAKABAGONG MAGNANAKAW…
hindi lang pera ang ninanakaw nila… pati ORAS at LIGAYA ng bawat PAMILYA!
pero siguro nga sa situation mo iba din. pero mabait ang mama mo kasi na kanya yung anak ng dad mo.i just hope na hindi balewalain ng kapatid mo yung pagmamahal ng mom mo sa kanya kahit hindi siya tunay na anak