Ano, kaya pa? This quarantine has turned all of us into daily existentialists, pondering the real meaning of life. Or deeply contemplating what flavor of instant pancit canton to cook (BRING BACK THE OLD PANCIT CANTON NOODLES, LUCKY ME!). But although we’re all couch philosophers now, we’re all still very different. Or are we?
This ECQ is like a high school canteen. It has divided us into certain groups or cliques. Or if you want to be more timely with the reference, it’s like those suddenly popular trash talk groups on Facebook. So we listed down eight types of people amidst this challenging, mind-wrecking, alcohol-wanting time.
Unfortunately, it seems this ECQ will go longer than expected. So it looks like #StayAtHome will still be the norm. Or as certain influencers would have the privilege to put it: Motherf*ckers, just stay at home!
We know that being able to work from home and continue earning is a privilege during these trying times, but it’s hard to be productive when you’re surrounded by family members who have nothing to do but loaf around watching Netflix all day. Some still have work to do. Besides, who doesn’t need the money right now? Some still have to get up early to do their deliverables and beat the deadline. Some have it worse, even having to slip out of their pambahay and dress properly to take video calls. It’s not easy when you see your bed inviting you for a 17th nap.
Do we still have bread? When’s the expiry date on that bread? Where’s our flashlight? Do we have enough batteries for the flashlight? Where are the batteries, BTW? How many cases did Spain have today? How about Sri Lanka? Panama? Vanuatu? How many rolls of tissue do we have? One-ply or two-ply? Hey, did you sing the “Happy Birthday Song” while washing your hands? Did you sing it with feelings? Falsetto or alto? Closed eyes or not? Did you cry?
The Award-Winning Chef
Every single kitchen is a Michelin-starred restaurant these days. With nothing much else to do, many have suddenly transformed into Gordon Ramsay or Daniel Boulud or Ina Garten. Some do the classics (how many of you have eaten different variations of adobo already?), while some go gourmet. But why not put them together for a different culinary fusion? Tinolang chicken nuggets, perhaps. Or pancit canton with toyo-mansi reduction glaze. Or sous vide dry-aged sardinas. Or talbos ng kamote milk tea.
The Online Debater
We all know this one. We’ve all become this type in some shape or form or anger-induced Facebook status. Social media in this entire ECQ has become as toxic as everyone on Money Heist. Everyone has an opinion about the political circus that’s been happening. To be fair, some are levelheaded, offering solutions while criticizing. Some resort to the ever-effective debating tool: Memes. While some resort to nonsensical, asinine, non-sequitur arguments. Say it aloud with feelings: ANO BA AMBAG MO?
The Renaissance Person
Nothing like being locked at home to unleash the inner multi-faceted artist in everyone. Some suddenly became painters, putting all those Louvre Museum-worthy MMDA Art to shame. Some became prolific writers, especially the women, who write down every item on the grocery list in full detail so clueless men don’t mistake “Whisper with wings” for sanitary napkin and chicken wings. Then of course, some became dancers. Yes, doing TikTok videos is art. Play “The Weekend” (Funk Wav Remix).mp3. Or don’t.
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Raise your hand if you’re the Usain Bolt of the family! With strict ECQ guidelines in place, most families have a designated person for all the household needs. In Oprah Winfrey’s voice (or your nagging mom’s voice): You get to buy the groceries! You get to go to the barangay hall! You get to go to the pharmacy! You get to the go to the KUBETA AT MALIGO AGAD DAHIL KAGAGALING MO LANG SA LABAS! It’s a difficult role, really.
Despite the daily scare and anxiety brought by this unprecedented situation, some people are as still as chill as a cold pizza. There’s another late-night public address by Pres. Rodrigo Duterte? They’d rather sleep. There’s a live press conference by the DOH? They’d rather play Animal Crossing. There’s a viral Facebook post about a COVID-19 patient? They’d rather watch another Dancing Coffin meme. No more food in the refrigerator? Relax lang! May Skyflakes naman. Some simply aren’t wired to worry. [How 2 b u po — Editor]
So, what type of ECQ person are you?