Tuli ka na ba?
Circumcision Horror Stories
Adolescent males of a certain age dread the summer because it only means one thing: Tuli season. Sure, it means you get days off school but at the price of losing some of your foreskin, which only means one thing: a summer of recovery rather than revelry. This one fateful summer is the one every boy has engrained in his memory—especially if their families were cruel enough to snap photos of them in skirts.
Modern science dictates that while circumcision is acceptable, it’s not totally necessary anymore (thanks to, you know, running water). This may be great news to some, but tell that to these guys, whose tuli tales were so traumatizing they merited a list.
Note: Names have been changed to protect the traumatized.
8. Daddy’s Boy
Joe was circumcised when he was about 11 years old. His father was a doctor by profession, and even if it wasn’t technically legal, he decided to circumcise his own little boy himself. I mean, what father would give up that chance, right?
In the operating room, in order to lighten up the mood, Joey’s father made comments about his wiener, referring to it as small—all in front of the participating nurses—in a misguided effort to joke around. It must have been embarrassing for a little 11 year old, but at least it’s a funny story to tell today.
7. The Case Study
How embarrassing would it be to be used as a case study for circumcision in front of a bunch of female nursing students? Well, that’s exactly what happened to Alfred when he visited the hospital his mother worked in. As he entered, his 12 year old self was not prepared for the horror he was to face. His mother got the idea that since there were a lot of nursing students present, why not use Joey as an example of how to properly circumcise a ding-dong? And that’s what she did, to her son’s dismay. Oh, the horror.
6. Old School
An unfortunate member of a family had to go through the rather sadistic traditional way of getting his member circumcised. Pedro was born into a family where the males were circumcised traditionally to prove their worth as a man. So yes, Pedro at the tender age of seven, had to watch his circumciser, like he was his executioner, pull his foreskin and chop it off with a knife. All Pedro had to get him by was a bunch of guava leaves to chew on. Poor little guy. But hey, that took a lot of balls on his part. Kudos to you, Pedro!
5. Second Time’s a Charm
Santi happened to be the brother of subject #8 on our list (Daddy’s Boy). As he went in to be circumcised by guess who, his father, he was assured of a quick and almost painless procedure. This was not the case. It just so happened that as he was stitching Pedro’s little john, he realized that he had missed a section. This prompted the removal of the stiches and a second attempt at the procedure, all this while Santi’s anesthesia was wearing off. Quick and painless for sure, right? Guess again buddy. The good news is that it worked the second time. More practice, Pa, you’ll get it right next time!