8 Places Imelda Should Avoid
(And Where She Can Go Instead)
A few days ago, Imelda Marcos, matriarch of the Marcos regime, accidentally ended up attending a mass that was meant for Martial Law victims. Whoops. What a faux pas, especially since to this very day, Imelda believes no human rights were abused by Martial Law. This mass, had she actually listened, would have proved very awkward for her.
We feel Imelda’s pain. We really do. After all, who among us have not been married to an authoritarian despot who ruled the country with an iron fist for 20 years, running our coffers into the ground with very little to show for it afterwards, aside from foreign debt and a staggering count of human rights violations? Surely, all of us have experienced this at some point in our life, living in obscene luxury while the rest of the country never so much as experienced a single drop of that abject privilege.
With all that in mind, here are some places we recommend Imelda avoid for now to avoid embarrassment, and we’re even willing to throw in where she could go instead, because wife of a ruthless dictator who herself is pretty batshit or not, it’s a free country!
She might want to go here just to relive things. Or to express her contrite remorse over… hahahahaha!!! Sorry, I can’t finish typing that. I just can’t.
Why Not: Well, duh. It should be a given, right? The traffic! The horrible, horrible traffic! And we also heard that 30 years ago, a demonstration happened there that kind of removed her tyrannical husband from power. But it’s really the traffic she should be worried about.
Instead, She Can Go To: Marcos highway! Do I really need to explain why?
Ever the bargain-hunter, this is one of the best places to go to for just that, and Imelda never backs down from a bargain!
Why Not: This is Mar Roxas’s territory, and we all know who he’s aligned with. It’s beginning to feel a lot like a ‘90s gang war, just going through this list. If she wanted to go bargain-hunting, Cubao is not the place to be.
Instead, She Can Go To: Greenhills! She’s actually seen there often enough, and yes, she haggles like nobody’s business. Good to know that the people running the stores in Greenhills are a forgiving lot.
The Rose of Tacloban would certainly be welcome in Tacloban itself!
Why Not: Given her age and the odds of her having a heart condition, perhaps seeing her most loyal people still living in deplorable conditions a couple of years after Yolanda would not be great for her health.
Instead, She Can Go To: Ilocos. That side of her political family is in much better condition.
5. The Manila Film Center
Perhaps the most famous of the buildings her cultural revolution has spawned next only to the CCP, it seems like a no-brainer for Imelda to see the fruits of her (slave) labor.
Why Not: Does she really need a haunting at this stage in her life? Isn’t being friends with Enrile enough?
Instead, She Can Go To: SM North’s IMAX Theatres! Hey, if she’s going to go and watch films, she can do it in style.
4. Grace Poe’s Residence
Maybe she’s being friendly or something. Who knows?
Why Not: You know damned well why not. Also, she might, for the first time in her life, experience a bit of shoe envy.
Instead, She Can Go To: Manila Film Center. Maybe the ghost of FPJ has a few answers for her.
3. Libingan ng mga Bayani
Perhaps she would like to see the many heroes she helped bury.
Why Not: Let’s not tease the lady by bringing her to the one place she’s always wished her husband would be, but will hopefully never, ever be the case.
Instead, She Can Go To: Strasbourg, France. If she really wanted to lay things to rest where they should be, that is.
2. Camp Aguinaldo
Home is where the heart is. It was buried in the backyard.
Why Not: There’s an experiential museum going on there right now. The topic? Martial Law. Can’t have people in denial seeing that now, can we?
Speaking of home…
Why Not: Are you kidding me?!?
Instead, She Can Go To: Someplace very warm. Or very cold, depending on which circle she’s in. No? Alright fine, let’s try this again. Instead, she can…
Did I stutter?
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