8 Officemates We All Seem to Have
Oct 1, 2015   •   Kevin Christian L. Santos
8List.ph is published by ID8, Inc.
Oct 1, 2015   •   Kevin Christian L. Santos
As office-workers, we have the uncanny ability to (or try) focus for 8 hours a day. Working in an office can be fun thanks to free internet and air-conditioning. You also get other perks such as a steady pay, allowance and health insurance.
The office can also be known as one of the lesser-known circles of hell. We’re not talking about the stress and the workload, we’re talking about the people that you have to work with on a daily basis. Your patience gets stretched thin having to work with people from all walks of life, each with their own quirks and traits.
Uniting together to work on a goal for the success of your company? HA! And monkeys might fly out of your ass.
Here’s just some of the people you’ll meet and/or work with in an office.
It’s ok to have meetings for important briefings and regroups, but these people insist on calling for meetings all the damn time for God-knows-what. What’s the agenda? The printer needs more ink. What kind of ink? Who the hell cares. They’re diverting you from really important tasks, like working on decks, strategies, and checking your Facebook.
From morning to the dull moments in the afternoon, the comedian always delivers a dose of laughter regardless of the hour. This guy pokes fun at anything and everything, from human resources to a client’s physical appearance. Nothing is sacred to the comedian. They even crack jokes during meetings (making meetings longer than they should) and can even make you laugh at your own mother’s funeral.
What’s this person’s deal? They’re always complaining of how much they worked in whatever day, how they didn’t sleep in whatever night to finish whatever workload to make it seem like other people aren’t working as hard as this guy/gal. They also like leaving anonymous notes asking everyone to clean up after themselves or leaving the stapler where they originally found it. They also like posting vague statuses on Facebook. When you ask them what’s up, they’ll just say “I’m fine.”
Whenever you see or hear them sighing, don’t ask them what’s wrong. IT’S A TRAP.
To be honest, we’d prefer the ACTIVE-aggressive jerkoff because at least they’re upfront about it.
These are the people that give the passive-aggressives something to complain about on a daily basis. They come to work late, and leave earlier than everyone else. They also have a knack for looking busy (or trying to look busy) but they are in fact just delegating their work to everyone else.
A cousin of the office gossip, the backstabbers are one of the worst people you’ll ever encounter in an office. They’ll pretend to be your friend and get with your good graces thanks to their saccharine-spewing mouth. They observe your every move and the next thing you know, they steal your ideas that you have spent hours toiling over and have already badmouthed you to management.
They will deny everything, even after you’re already upfront with them and they act like they’re the victim. In addition, they know various goings-on in the office, from who slept with who to the company’s expenses. Seriously, the backstabber sucks. It’ll be best if you put laxatives and/or spit in their food when they’re not looking.
Oh, you have a shit-ton to do? Well, tough luck because you’re sucked into another boring story by the guy who never shuts up. Regardless if anyone’s listening, these guys don’t know how to keep their thoughts to themselves. They also don’t know what too much information means.
For some reason, everything about them involves noise. They breathe with their mouths noisily. They eat loudly. They speak with their mouths full. They don’t know how to put their phone on vibrate. Even with headphones on, they find a way to sing LOUDLY and off-key. They don’t know how infuriating their mere existence is. They are the nexus of annoyance in the realm of the office.
The Control Freak is workaholic. They want to get things done, and they want it done THEIR way, which they think is the correct or only way. They are highly motivated, independent and ambitious. If you mess with them, they turn from sweet to volatile in mere seconds. If you think you are doing a pretty okay job, the control freak will think otherwise. They eat, sleep and breathe their job and look down on everyone doing a piss-poor job of it.
As control freaks, they hate the lazy ones, the passive-aggressives, and the backstabbers with a passion.
The psychopaths are the ones who think that office disputes are best settled with a bareknuckle fight to the death. Wearing a permanent bitchy-resting-face, other employees avoid looking at him the wrong way. The tension is high whenever he’s around and everyone knows what he’s capable of. Not wanting to get on their bad side, you keep smiling at them whenever your paths cross. They are responsible for emotional trauma on a lot of employees and is also a good reason some of your colleagues resign. Psycopaths are difficult to work with.
How about you? What are the kinds of folks do you work with? Avoid the psychopath and let us know in the comments!
Having a love for fart jokes and offensive humor, KC Santos isn't as mature an individual as he thought. He works as 8List.ph's social media manager while juggling migraines and occasional bouts of weeping. His passions include skateboarding, music, dinosaurs and scratching his nether regions.
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