[dropcap letter=”T”]he most popular misheard lyric of all time is “’scuse me while I kiss this guy” from rock and roll god Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze. (Then again, maybe he was that progressive?) Seriously. There’s even a website dedicated to it.
There are many instances when artists make songs so abstract, they become virtually undecipherable; leaving people to come up with their own insane (or silly) interpretations of what’s actually being said.
So in remembrance of all the times a drunken friend would belt out HOLD ME CLOSER TONY DANZA (best feeling in the world) to many an Elton John-themed karaoke party, to singing “it doesn’t matter if we’re naked or not” whenever Livin’ on a Prayer pops up during power ballad hour on the radio, here are a list of popular old and new misheard song lyrics.
The Misheard Lyrics: You big disgrace/ Kicking your cat all over the place/
The Actual Lyrics: You big disgrace/ Kicking your can all over the place/
Why would you want to kick a cat all over the place? Who does that? Probably the same kind of people who abhor breakfast, hate naps and rainbows. And THESE people.
The Misheard Lyrics: Got a lot of Starbucks lovers/ They’ll tell you I’m insane
The Actual Lyrics: Got a long list of ex-lovers/ They’ll tell you I’m insane
Of course expensive coffee lovers will tell you you’re insane. Caffeine overdose leads to restlessness, anxiety, hallucinations, even death. So take it easy on the orange mocha frappuccinos.
The Misheard Lyrics: We didn’t start the fire/ It was always burning/ Said the worst attorney
The Actual Lyrics: We didn’t start the fire/ It was always burning since the world’s been turning
To be fair, this is one tough song to sing. “Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, mrrrmmrrrmmrrrrmdeeeeerm JOE DIMAGGIO!”
The Misheard Lyrics: I’m gonna love ya, gonna love ya/ Like a black little baby
The Actual Lyrics: I’m gonna love ya, gonna love ya/ Like a black widow, baby
D’aaaaaaawwwwwww. I want to be loved just like this black little baby.
The Misheard Lyrics: Here we are now/ In containers/ Avocado/ A potato
The Actual Lyrics: Here we are now/ Entertain us/ A mulatto/ An albino
Teen spirit smells like salad.
The Misheard Lyrics: It’s not fair/ To deny me/ Of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me
The Actual Lyrics: It’s not fair/ To deny me/ Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
Alanis’ rage is justified. Who wouldn’t want a cross-eyed bear? And why would you deny one a cross-eyed bear? They’re magically awesome, and are a great source of hugs. They’ll be your best friend and go on crazy adventures.
The Misheard Lyrics: Farting loud/ Another round of shots
The Actual Lyrics: Fire up that loud/ Another round of shots
Loud farts are actually pretty okay, since they tend not to smell that gnarly. It’s the silent farts that you have to worry about. Next time you see your arch-nemesis at a bar, stand next to him and let out a fart. Depending on what you eat, you’ll offend their sense of smell and let them get a taste of the eggs and onions that you had for dinner. THEN get a shot. FLAWLESS VICTORY. (side note: never hold your farts in. This might happen)
The Misheard Lyrics: Hunt you down/ Eat you alive just like animals/ Animals/ Like animals balls
The Actual Lyrics: Hunt you down/ Eat you alive just like animals/ Animals/ Like animals-mals
Fun fact: the bacteria Wolbachia, which infects arthropods, are notable for infecting the testes (read: balls) and ovaries of their hosts. They kill males during larval development, which can increase the rate of born, infected females. So eating someone like animals balls isn’t really a good idea, unless you’re into that sort of thing. We won’t judge.
“I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone,” “And I saw her face, now I’m gonna leave her.” Please post your favorite misheard lyric below!