The Pasaway Millennial’s Guide
to Surviving the Duterte Administration
By Samir Belmiro
Pasaway: adj. “Someone who mischievously insists on behaving contrary to what is expected in a situation, almost as if purposely baiting to be told not to.”
There are too many pasaways in this world. From children to full-fledged adults, people have been or continue to be pasaways in their own rights. And with the new Duterte administration eyeing to ground and pound both legal and illegal pasaway activities—as part of its thrust of bringing chains, este, change to the country—it is highly possible that our good ol’ days are numbered, most especially for Filennials.
But it’s not the end of the world. For all we know, putting the rights to have (excessive) fun into perspective—if his Excellency’s policies go nationwide—could also be for the greater good…or not. Either way, it’s always good to be prepared, so here are a few ways to adapt your pasaway ways during this imminent period of change.
8. On Drinking
Let’s start off with one of the favorites: NO PUBLIC CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL AFTER 1:00AM.
Believe me, the first time it was announced, I think it was around breakfast time at work. I suddenly felt a bit “sick” and I told HR that I needed to get treated right away—so, yes, I treated myself to happy hour. Burp.
But that’s just silly old me with my exaggerated sensitivity whenever I feel like my freedom to down bottles more than I can consume is threatened.
“He’s got to be kidding, right!?”
“Eh papunta pa lang akong gimikan niyan eh!”
“The cool kids come in at witching hour, doesn’t he know!?”
“I don’t want to drink within my vicinity, sawa na ako sa Emperador Light at Gin Bilog buffet!”
Well, we can’t do anything about it if it gets mandated, buddy.
SUGGESTION: If you really need alcohol in your system and you prefer doing it outside, then work fast to drink earlier and harder. If possible, finish your tasks efficiently and reward yourself with booze even if the sun’s still high up, so by the time you need to stop drinking in public at 1:00AM, you’ll already be fast asleep and ready for the next day! Another option is to stay indoors flying solo or with the rest of the crew! Better yet, go digital and coordinate with your drinking buddies via a Skype drinking session. Boom! Got that? Cheers… and tables!
7. On Curfew
A fitting anthem for the underaged could be Wiz Khalifa’s chart-topping hit Young, Wild & Free. Indeed, being kids and being in their element are just some of the things they deserve. However, if we’re talking about unaccompanied minors roaming the streets of the Philippines—where anything from getting stabbed to getting flashed can occur—past 10pm, then things can pretty much turn into young, wild, kidnapped and dead.
Of course, this thing about curfew will still go through legalities and formalities, despite being implemented years ago, but a handful of local governments have already taken the liberty of taking into custody a handful of loitering kids. Let’s try to avoid that.
SUGGESTION: The secret here is to find a way to expend the kids’ excess energies. They roam around at night because they’re just too full of beans to even think of sleep yet (if nothing’s good on TV). Well, we can fix that! What are those barangay basketball courts, for? Let’s have all barangays in the country hold an open-to-all-kids, come one, come all hoops-fest, every night (6 to 10 only), all year.
In between, we can turn said courts into a parkour or skateboard courses and let them bounce & roll around in there until they’re exhausted. Throw in some mixed-martial arts clinics and even group dance-offs just for fun and to twerk off some more of that juvenile juice. The point here is that there should be always something, every day to syphon off all that youthful energy until dinner time (providing they do their homework) so that they’d want to do nothing else afterwards but hit the sack.
6. On Partying
Going to clubs to party is a lot of fun, but it’s also one of the most common places where shit and all other sketchy shenanigans can go down. Nowadays, clubs and party venues are infested with anti-drug agents on the look-out for illegal narcotics and people suspected to be intoxicated. Now, even if you’re in a club for good, clean fun, it’s hard to bust a move when there are people constantly looking over your shoulder, right? It creates an air of paranoia that sucks all the joy from the room.
SUGGESTION: Bring back the good old house party scene. Similar to drinking, setting up an indoor party within private property can take away a lot of stress and apprehension. People are safer and it’s more comfortable (unless you go all Project X and burn houses to the ground). A few problems here are noise, parking, and traffic, so gather all of the world’s egg cartons for sound-proofing, inform your village association that you’ll be throwing a Gatsby-like event at your home, and remind everyone to just carpool or Uber to avoid the hassle. So, let us join us and let the fun begun!
5. On Gambling
Now, this is probably a longshot, but with the recent issues surrounding gambling and casinos, it’s good to be prepared if backlash hits all the sugaleros out there. Of course, gamblers don’t just gamble in casinos all day long—high rollers are fully-loaded due to whatever money-making business they’re into and they can also be good with numbers and financial trends. But if this sideline of theirs is compromised, there are a lot of other activities they can redirect their attentions to.
SUGGESTION: Become math teachers or financial advisors! Share your knowledge of numbers with the rest of the population! If not, take your gambling obsession down a notch and organize the first barangay level Pusoy Dos/Tong-its Championships for a good cause! I can also see a potential of becoming magicians since you’re probably skilled in manipulating a deck of cards, anyway.
Or as risk-taking hustlers, I heard Papa Jack is retiring soon and his followers will need a new love advisor for calculated moves when it comes to the matters of the heart.