And that’s another week crossed off this year. Have you realized that it’s only 6 months before we’re living in 2020? Our ancestors must have dreamt big things when they thought of 2020, flying cars, hoverboards, teleportation devices, they’d probably roll in their graves knowing we’re all rather busy with expanding our emoji library, obsessing over milk tea, and inventing more face filters. Just like what happened in this week’s weird news.
Family cleans house, finds tortoise missing for 3 decades
When their father passed away, the Almeida siblings returned to the house to help clean out their dad’s cluttered storage. They were in for a surprise. Not only was the room dusty, full of junk, and must have not seen the light of day for decades, but among the trash was their childhood tortoise which was missing since 1982.
The Almeida family thought Manuela, the tortoise, escaped into the forest near their home in Realengo, Brazil all those years ago. Turns out the slowpoke was hiding in their house all along! The family suspect Manuela was able to sustain herself by eating the termites from all the junk furniture.
This is why Marie Kondo advocates cleaning and proper storage, so we don’t lose our tortoises. #SaveTheTurtles
This hands-free bubble tea challenge might offend flat-chested ladies
Just when you thought the internet couldn’t get any crazier, or lazier, it goes ahead and outdoes itself. The latest internet craze doing rounds on social media has something to do with the Instagram’s favorite beverage: milk tea. The hands-free bubble tea challenge inspired by Tawawa, a collection of illustrations by Japanese Kiseki Himura, lets girls balance the milktea cup on their chest, drink from it hands-free, and go about their tasks as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.
— Hカップな広告マン-アリペイサン (@hcupadman) June 8, 2019
After unsuccessful attempts that left them with damp shirts and spilled milk tea, they are now considering undergoing chest enlargement content with drinking their milk tea the normal way as the universe intended for it to be.
This woman found a typewriter made of human teeth in her Airbnb
It’s the perfect scenario for a murder scene. A woman books an Airbnb, decides to open locked closet, finds a typewriter with keys made of teeth, and then finds the owner behind her saying “You’re next.” Too many movies?
This is exactly what happened to Ashley Fryer, sans the part where the murderer lurks behind. She opened the closet in her European Airbnb and found what seems to be the closet of a criminal: two guns, an erotic painting, and a typewriter made of human teeth.
Fearing she’s renting a place owned by a psychopath, she did what every normal 21st Century human being would do, post photos online. She put her account in private shortly afterward and never revealed where this Airbnb is located. It’s a shame we won’t find out how the owner got those many teeth. I wouldn’t even want to imagine how your fingers would smell after typing a sentence using that. Oh gosh. I’m imagining it!
We can’t wait for Netflix to make a sinister adaptation of this happening!
Pakistani politician accidentally went on FB Live with a cat filter
— Mohsin Bilal Khan (@MohsinBilalKhan) June 14, 2019
Even the government can’t escape the golden age of camera filters. Regional minister in northwest Pakistan, Shaukat Yousafzai held a press conference (or should we say purr-ess conference?) on Friday that was live-streamed in his official Facebook page. But instead of people tuning in to listen to local issues, they tuned in because whoever manned the Facebook live left a cat filter on Yousafzai’s face. Who knew the regional minister could look so cute?
But was it a mistake? Or was it a new trick by the Pakistani government to lure people into watching important purr-ess press conferences for their own good? What a breakthrough for these clever Pakistanis!
NOPE: Scientists find a worm with face in its head and bottom
During a survey of the West Shetland Shelf Marine Protected Area in Scotland, scientists found a worm measuring 0.2” in length. It was in an unexplored, shallow part of the seabed. This new species of worm has eyes in its head and in its bottom, and it has been given the scientific name Ampharete oculicirrata.
The discovery of this worm is giving us the heebie-jeebies; isn’t this how apocalyptic movies start? Discovering new species, studying it, and then it gets angry, lays eggs on your body and wipes out the entire human race. Scotland better handle this because Shetland indeed.
An Air India flight got delayed for 2 hours because a cabin crew refused to wash the pilot’s dishes
We wish we were joking, but you simply can’t make this stuff up. The passengers on board an Air India flight from Bangalore to Kolkata had no idea they were about to witness a real-life telenovela that would delay their flight for 2 hours. The plot revolves around an unnamed crew member who refused to wash the lunch box containing food that the aircraft’s pilot had brought. The shouting match and almost-brawl happened in full view of the passengers; the men were then escorted from the aircraft and were grounded (no pun intended).
If you’ve seen siblings point at each other over whose turn it is to wash dishes, you might be able to relate to the situation on a spiritual level. We just have a few questions: what was in that lunch box and was it good?
A woman has been fired from her job because she used the “Okay” emoji to reply to her boss
What’s your favorite emoji? Be careful because sending it could actually cost you your job. For example, an employee of a bar in China replied to her boss’ instructions with an ‘Okay’ hand emoji. The result? She got fired!
The South China Morning Post quotes the manager saying “You should use text to reply to the message if you have received it. Don’t you know the rules?” and “Is this your acknowledgement of receipt?” A few minutes later the employee was told to submit her resignation to HR. Prior to this incident, employees report that the manager instructed them to use “Roger” when replying to messages. Looks like someone has a stick up their managerial butt. <Wink emoji, laughing with tears emoji>.
While we recognize that the employee has her faults, is there’s no such thing as first offense in China? Has the manager perhaps had a bad experience with ‘Okay’ hand emojis? Were they hoping for yellow hearts? Who knows.
An Insta-model couple asks their fans to “fund” their £9k Africa holiday
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Instagram couple Elena Engelhardt and Catalin Onc document their exotic travels in their joint Instagram account Another Beautiful Day which has 43.7k followers. They’ve traveled to a lot of places but recently set their sights on a holiday bike ride to Africa in July. In order to do this, they need to raise £9,000 (roughly PHP 600,000). But how are they supposed to save up when their only job is to post photos of themselves on Instagram? The couple surprisingly turned to their fans in the hopes of brainwashing them to fund their entire trip.
Anyone is free to travel, but they have to work for the privilege. Every person gullible enough to actually donate a single cent to this couple needs to seriously reevaluate their life choices and existence. *MIC DROP*
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