This Week in Weird News: Smell Your Porn Edition

Another week has gone by. Miss Universe fever is over and Steve Harvey was able to announce the correct queen this year. Massive riots in the US are happening because of Donald Trump being himself. Ronald “Bato” Dela Rosa’s punishment for cops who extorted from Koreans was making them do push-ups. Some people get shot; some people get to do push-ups for doing a crime. Go figure. It’s a strange time to live in.

Speaking of strange, the wild world of weird made its presence felt this week. Stuff like:

Corn is apparently turning hamsters into cannibals

Think hamsters are all cute and cuddly balls of fluff? Think again. The damn things are spawns of Lucifer.

Researchers in France found that wild hamsters with a diet of corn have been turning them into cannibals with a tendency to eat their offspring.

The findings were reported in British Royal Society journal Proceedings B. It states that since these hamsters initially got used to a diet of grains, roots and insects, they now live in area of industrially grown corn. Since they live in this area, the monotonous diet has left them starving and lacking in vitamins, namely B3 and niacin.

Scientists compared groups of hamsters with a diet of wheat and clover and worms to the strictly corn diet. The corn group’s mother hamsters would store the maize along with their pups before eating them. In another study, the corn-fed group was given vitamin B3 and it was enough to put an end to the hamsters’ cannibalistic tendencies.

Hamsters aren’t cute, the damn things are stone-cold killers.

Speaking of cannibals…

Chimpanzees cannibalize former tribe leader

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Chimpanzees aren’t one to mess with. Chimps have aggressive tendencies and are very territorial. A simple Google search will yield incidents of chimps attacking humans. Scientists have found a new reason why you should never, ever fuck with a chimp.

Scientists have documented chimps killing and eating one another on certain occasions. However, researchers were able to record the aftermath of a grisly attack. The video shows a chimp being dragged and eaten by members of the tribe that he once led.

The chimp, named Foudouko, was killed by his former tribe after attempting to re-join after five years of exile.

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The possible reason? Other males in the tribe didn’t appreciate the fact that Foudouko was attempting to return as an alpha male. They saw him as competition. In addition, researchers say that Foudouko used to lead his tribe with fear and was very aggressive. Iowa State University’s Jill Pruetz, who has been studying this particular group of chimps in Senegal, says that the former alpha male was a tyrant. Foudouko was beaten with rocks and sticks and stomped before being cannibalized. The New Scientist lists Foudouko’s injuries with a bite to his right foot, a gash on his back, and a ripped anus. Yikes. The tribe continued to abuse his lifeless body, throwing rocks, poking sticks, breaking his limbs before eating some of his flesh.

This is just one of the nine known cases of chimpanzees killing one of their own adult males rather than killing someone from a different tribe.

 A Saudi Prince bought 80 plane seats for his falcons, because as you do

A lot of us dread leaving our animal companions whenever we’re traveling. Imagining them crying and wondering where their humans went is enough to make us ugly cry and realize we are terrible people. If we can travel with them, we would. It would be awesome to go and have awesome adventures with our pets. One Saudi prince however took things a bit too far. How? He bought 80 plane seats for his falcons.

A photo shared on Reddit shows the birds chilling in their seats, probably deciding if they’ll have beer or wine with their in-flight meal. Strangely enough, falcons on planes aren’t entirely uncommon in the Middle East. Dubai has a hospital dedicated to falcons.  Qatar Airways allows passengers carrying a maximum of six falcons. However, Atlas Obscura points out that flying falcons (is there any other kind) must be issued a passport before going on a plane.

The big question is, what the hell are you gonna do with 80 falcons? Oh wait, take them with you on sweet airplane rides.

Snake gets lodged in woman’s earlobe, so she takes a selfie because of course she did

Glawe had to go to the Portland Adventist Hospital to get Bart removed. Doctors were able to successfully remove him with the help of some lube. Speaking to CNN, Glawe says Bart “acted like nothing even happened and was totally chill.” Why? Because snakes don’t give a shit.

 Adults are being swaddled like babies in Japan, because Japan is weird

The new therapy is called “Otonomaki”, which roughly translates to “adult wrapping.” Reuters reports that it was invented by a Kyoto midwife who thought that since swaddling is used to soothe infants, maybe it could help new moms deal with shoulder and hip pain.

Apparently, shiatsu isn’t enough anymore.

Jellyfish plague invade beach in Australia

A plague of jellyfish invaded Queensland’s Deception Bay beach. Local Charlotte Lawson took the pictures of the uncanny event, saying “”It happens every year but there’s never been this many, this year it’s been heaps.” “It looked like bubble wrap across the beach,” she added.

She says the plague normally lasts a week but this year’s could last longer given the immense volume of jellyfish. “They’re already starting to smell,” said Lawson.

The jellyfish in question are catostylus mosaicus, otherwise known as   blue blubber jellyfish. This specific jellyfish is mildly venomous, but its sting is not as painful as a bluebottle jellyfish, or your cold ex leaving you.

The new Conan game makes you customize your wiener, because why not

Have you ever played a videogame and thought, “shit, this game needs more nudity. No game is complete without some tits and dicks on the screen. Also, I live a sad and pathetic life for wanting these things.” Fret not, Conan Exiles has made your NSFW gaming dreams come true.

Set in the Hyborian Age in the Conan the Barbarian mythos, players have to survive, build, and dominate other players if they want to stay alive in this harsh world.

PC Gamer’s Chris Livingston was able to play the game via Early Access. Players actually start the game naked, and game developers Funcom gave players a chance to customize their “endowment.” If you choose a female player, the endowment slider adjusts the size of their boobs. If you choose a male, the endowment slider enhances the size of their dicks. Sliding it back and forth will probably make us giggle like horny schoolgirls and let out one too many George Takei “OOOHHHH MYYYYYYYs.”

NSFW but Conan Exiles has an endowment slider. Big dong, little dong, big dong, little dong pic.twitter.com/MNgGsmlv32

— Chris Livingston (@screencuisine) January 30, 2017

NSFW, more cock & balls from Conan Exile. I hope this is earning me XP pic.twitter.com/159udrkgIp

— Chris Livingston (@screencuisine) January 30, 2017

warning, NSFW because of Conan Exile’s cock & balls gif ok pic.twitter.com/H41VsIHy4j

— Chris Livingston (@screencuisine) January 30, 2017

Look at those realistic physics! No news yet if the dick shrinks if the player takes a dip in cold water.

Kotaku also showed a GIF showing default dick size isn’t the same as other races in the game:

Now when someone asks Conan what is best in life, he’ll probably say “Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women as you teabag their husbands’ corpses.”

Speaking of dicks…

Watch your VR porn and smell it too with OhRama because reasons

Before jerking off to porn, did you ever wonder what so-and-so porn star smells like? “Whoah, she queefed on camera, what does that smell like? Probably like roses.” “Ew, he’s giving that dude a rimjob. I bet he had Mexican food for lunch.” “Mabaho siguro singit niyan.” Luckily for you, the OhRama is here to make your porn as immersive as possible. The official site says “users and their partners can activate the scents at any time, allowing them to get up close and personal like never before.

Mashable reports that the OhRama is a standalone gadget that works with your VR headset. It kinda looks like a gas mask with three slots for scent cartridges and 30 scents to choose from. The cartridges are activated once the masked is turned on and since it’s paired with Bluetooth, you can control when the scents get released.

Speaking of scents, they range from private parts, body odor, panties, environments, and more. No news yet if they’ll be adding more realistic scents in the future, like “Just had longganisa for dinner,” or “doesn’t soap their genitals after a long day.”

Got other weird news to share? Tell us about them below!