Here’s Why Some Men Can Quickly Jump into Marriage After Ending Long-Term Relationships
Jun 28, 2021   •   Jon Christoffer Obice
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Jun 28, 2021   •   Jon Christoffer Obice
Netizens were left aghast upon learning of Barangay Ginebra star Scottie Thompson’s sudden marriage with a new love, not long after breaking up with his girlfriend of 8 years, Pau Fajardo, whom he proposed to on New Year’s Day this year. The romance between Thompson and Fajardo ended in April. But just two months after their separation, Thompson has reportedly married former flight attendant Jinky Serrano. Serrano allegedly gave up her previous job to focus her career on managing a chain of beauty clinics in Pampanga, at the request of Thompson. The pair had their private ceremony in Las Piñas just this June.
After break-ups like this, we often hear arguments like “wala sa tagal ‘yan” or “hindi sa tagal nasusukat ang pagmamahal.” Others may even argue, “What about the three-month rule?”
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While we are not in the position to judge someone else’s private life, here are some of the viable reasons why some people — usually men — instantly marry their newfound sweethearts.
For those who just got out or are just planning to escape from a toxic relationship, the idea, and feeling of meeting a new person who you instantly clicked with is exciting. If you’ve reached a plateau after several years of a relationship, the idea of a new person can be pretty attractive, especially if you hit plenty of rough patches in your last relationship.
The fragility of the male ego remains a hot topic. When men are taught patriarchal ideas their entire life, these mindsets can affect their relationships. Uplifting words from another woman can quickly turn a man’s heart around, especially if those are the only consoling words he gets to hear after a tiring day. Someone’s words of affirmations aren’t just words, they can do wonders for a hurt ego. And if a guy’s caught at a crossroads, there’s a strong chance that he’d choose the path where he feels validated.
After a monotonous relationship, a guy could be looking for something that makes him feel alive again. So when he meets a woman who can match his spontaneity, it’s an irresistible magnet. Although marriage entails having responsibilities, what could be more spontaneous than just taking the plunge?
If your relationship has become monotonous and plagued with frequent misunderstandings, men might long for something new that makes them feel head over heels in love again. American sexologist Dr. Joe Beam calls the euphoric feeling or sensation of being madly in love/infatuation “limerence“. People who are in this state do not see any flaw in their object of interest. This often leads them to do spontaneous decisions such as going all-in on a new relationship. In other words, they’re not thinking straight.
Now after being sent into euphoria, a common tendency for people who want to move on from a relationship is to vilify or villainize the person who they once thought to be their The One. Having met another person who exudes all the qualities that your former love interest lacked, you would slowly begin to justify your actions by enumerating all that person’s shortcomings — something you’re not seeing in your new flame. By doing this, the person would feel less guilty by the time he’s ready to leave his old flame for a new one, Dr. Beam says.
One of the common scenarios that take place with newly formed couples is an unexpected pregnancy. For the man torn between a committed relationship and his new flame, it really is a dilemma to choose between the two. But for some who choose to stand by their paternal duties, marriage is almost inevitable. Life coach and psychologist Dr. Ali Gui says that elevating the newfound relationship to the marriage level removes all possible feelings of guilt and shame associated with impregnating a woman you just met.
Couples who have weathered all the so-called 3-year- and 7-year-curses know that conflicts are inevitable in a long-term relationship. However, if you have more bad days than good, don’t be surprised when someone starts looking for a new love who brings solutions to the table instead of more arguments.
Since the majority of whirlwind marriages are based on infatuation, Dr. Gui says these new relationships progress more quickly. In most cases, people involved in this situation are blindsided by other societal factors that make it taboo to a traditional, conservative Filipino society. However, in these cases, the different kind of high they get from these relationships makes them value their feelings over more pressing issues.
Have you ever heard a story about bad breakups with the other party ending up in unexpected marriages? What are your thoughts on this matter?
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