Tales From the Other Side: 8 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married
Oct 10, 2023   •   Tim Henares
8List.ph is published by ID8, Inc.
Oct 10, 2023   •   Tim Henares
Not all careers are created equal. All of them have their good points and bad points. Here at the 8List, we interviewed experienced professionals who know their industry inside and out – and asked them about the 8 things they wish they knew about their industry before they got there.
They always say that the grass is greener on the other side, and even if marriage isn’t a career, it’s still a massive commitment that deserves a closer look. Is it worth it to get there with these pitfalls? Read on and decide for yourself.
People keep saying that you only marry one person, but that simply isn’t true, especially in the Philippines. Is it unfair? Yes! But is it expected? Absolutely! The logic is as follows: when you get married, you are joining another family. This means it’s your job to adjust, not theirs.
No kids yet? They’ll ask you when you’ll have one. One kid in tow? They’ll ask if you want them to have someone to play with. Two kids with you? Why stop at two when you can have three? Three kids? Four is a party! If you thought finally getting married would put a stop to your aunt asking you incessantly about your love life, wait ‘til they start telling you that you can never have enough kids. Your work is never done.
When people get married, it’s often called “settling down.” That holds so much meaning. You settle down in that a successful marriage means a fundamental shift from how you were before you got married, often termed as “domesticated bliss.” But there’s also literally “settling.” You’ve found your better half, right? Well, what if somewhere down the road, you meet someone hotter or more exciting? Well, that’s too bad. You just have to settle for what you already have.
It might sound cynical, but there’s a reason why most married people can pass on their celebrity crush even when they finally meet them. And if you didn’t realize, that’s exceptionally sweet when it happens.
There’s no happily ever after in marriage. It’s a story you have to write for the rest of your life, and for as long as it’s going right, nothing you’ve had in the past will seem even remotely close to what you have right now – unless this isn’t your real endgame. You simply can never be sure. Not even putting a ring on it makes you any more sure. You have to choose it for yourselves day in and day out.
Did you know that some people can’t (literally) sleep with each other? Imagine if you’re a light sleeper and they’re a heavy snorer. Agony every single night! Marriage makes it seem like you absolutely need to share the same bed every time, but having the option for separate beds on occasion can actually save your marriage in some situations. Don’t knock it: it really makes a difference.
Despite the fact that people keep harping on the importance of communication in marriage, you never really know just how important it is until you’re there. Life isn’t a rom-com where a hilarious misunderstanding is an impetus for a breakup montage and then the inevitable getting back together. You bypass those awkward situations simply by speaking up and getting things out of the way. It’s not flashy, it’s not something you can make a movie about, but it absolutely works.
People think that when they get married, a lot of problems go away. On the contrary, any problems you had before getting married, you’re now stuck with for the rest of your lives. People rarely overhaul their personalities the older they get, which is exactly why anyone who marries someone in hopes that they will change their ways for the better is in for a rude awakening.
We’ve been inundated by boomer comedy about how so many men hate their wives and call them “the ol’ ball and chain.” What they don’t tell you is that contrary to these hacky jokes, marriage is the more exciting stage than dating. When you find the right one, it’s exciting to wake up with them every single day and be bored together – because you are with someone who understands you in a way nobody else could ever, and is on a lifelong journey with you, hurtling across the universe.
When a marriage works, there’s no fallback, there’s no refuge to run to (nor is there any need for one), and all that matters is the both of you and forever, and the endless questions every new day brings.
If that’s not exciting, it’s hard to imagine what else is.
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