It’s always been a trope in Western horror films that the villain’s success hinges mainly upon the film’s characters making dumb choices like, say, splitting up, having sex when the villain preys on non-virgins or being black. Well, “Annabelle: The Creation,” the prequel to Annabelle, decided to crank that trope up right on to 11. Here’s how, and obviously, there will be spoilers!
8. The kids keep doing that one thing they’re not supposed to do.
It seems that the easiest way for anyone in this movie to do something is for people to specifically tell them not to do it. Despite being warned to never enter the door barred by the owners, our plucky lead girl still does this very thing, unleashing the horror trapped within the house.
7. Kids playing in traffic. Literally.
No, Bee. You may be cute and all, but that doesn’t excuse you for being fatally stupid. Now, you get run over and used by a malevolent demon out to unleash its wrath upon the world by using your body and memories as a false vessel for their umbrage.
6. Why are people making deals with the devil?!?
I guess we now know where Bee’s stupid genes came from: her frigging parents, who decided to make a deal with the devil to see their kid again. Boy, that wasn’t terribly clever of them, was it?
5. Why do people keep approaching the obviously creepy doll?!?
No, seriously. It’s creepy AF. Why are you even hanging around with it, let alone letting it stare at you with its cold, dead eyes?
4. Hearing a creepy song should be a sign to run, not to approach the source of the song.
What is it with these horror films doing everything they can to make classic, mundane old-timey songs turn creepy by virtue of the horror flick attached with them? From “Tiptoe to the Tulips” (Insidious) to “Open Up Your Heart and Let the Sunshine In” (The Autopsy of Jane Doe) to “You Are My Sunshine” for this film, it should be common knowledge to everyone by now that the creepy radio with the creepy song playing from out of nowhere is never where you want to be.
3. Why even invite obviously nosy girls to an orphanage in your house of horrors in the first place?!?
Gee, Mr. Mullins, did you ever think that your demon home should be the last place you would invite precocious orphan girls to live in? No? Par for the course for this movie, then.
2. Doing that one thing once? Bad enough. Doing it again? Ugh.
Not only do these stupid people make stupid decisions all around, but they do it repeatedly, as demonstrated by our plucky lead Julie, going inside the creepy room with the creepy doll. Again. Because the first time clearly wasn’t warning enough.
1. The dumbest decision by the dumbest person has to be…
… mine, because I willingly ponied up the money to buy a ticket to watch this dreck. Please don’t make the same mistake I did, unless you really want to see the film since you’ve been sucked in by the previous installments already. By then, you’re too far gone.
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