If you’ve been living under a rock, surprise! It looks like—to put it conservatively—VP Binay will be running for president, and has already begun his campaign rounds, which involves giving away a lot of (peculiar) free stuff. Here are 8  are 8 freebies that we hope to see in the next few months.

8. Fans

Because it’s hot where he’s going to bring us. Also, the fans will be good for wafting away the overwhelming stench of BS.

7. Cake

These cakes will most likely bear the words “Binay 2016: One to Sawa.” These cakes will also probably be the only good thing you will get out of his campaign; the only downside is they can only be claimed in Makati.

6. Cellphones

Okay, so we’re

5. Sleeping bag

We will need a place to hide and surrender in case he wins, after all.

4. Indelible Ink Remover

To be handed out at Election Centers. After voting, of course.

3. Pastil

A delicacy from Sultan Kudarat made from boiled rice, shredded chicken, heavy oil—and rolled in banana leaves, this will be given to all his opponents. Extra taint for the other Presidential contenders.

2. Wheelchairs

Because he wants to show us the value of an excellent exit strategy.

1. Diapers

Designed specifically to can handle the immense amounts of crap we’ll inevitably be subjected to.

Prepare for the dark future, literally and figuratively.

What freebies and giveaways are you expecting from Binay’s Presidential Campaign? Leave a comment and tell us about it!