What’s the difference between GCQ, MCQ, ECQ, MECQ, ECQ with heightened restrictions, ELCQ, and ECQ with Tiny Bubbles and Pearly Shells? Confused? With more mutations than the virus it’s trying to address, these Community Quarantines have been getting out of hand with the nomenclature.
In hopes of making things clearer, we here at the 8List decided to come up with 8 new Community Quarantines, all named after local celebrities. Maybe the government can steal our idea and implement it — for the greater good!
8. Kim Chiu Community Quarantine
This is the most straightforward of quarantines: bawal lumabas, bawal lumabas.
Pero pag sinabing “pag…”
We’re sure you’re beginning to get the idea, so let’s move straight on.
7. Alma Moreno Community Quarantine (With Reservations)
This one’s pretty easy, too. People are required to drink medicine in aid of preventing the disease — pills! We enforce a strict curfew, and the minute the curfew is in effect, dapat laging bukas ang ilaw.
6. Marlou Arizala Community Quarantine
This is the kind of lockdown that forces you to pass the time trying to be peymus by using social media. Tiktok? Instagram? Facebook? Hanging out with 4 other equally talentless but not as ugly people? It’s all fair game!
What a way to stay productive even in the middle of a pandemic!
5. Xander Ford Community Quarantine
Exactly the same as a Marlou Arizala Community Quarantine, except one that happens without a pandemic going on — aka, completely missing the point. The only thing Marlou needed adjusted was his attitude, not his face. Xander Ford never needed to happen. Like, ever.
Not pictured: something that needed to happen. Like, ever.
4. Nas Daily Community Quarantine
No, it’s not as simple as a quarantine that lasts for one minute. It’s actually more like a quarantine that’s conducted and then hailed internationally as a sign of Filipinos doing something awesome. Because that’s the only time we ever think we’re doing anything right.
3. Master Hanz Cua Community Quarantine
Imagine setting up a quarantine only to find out that COVID-19 just magically disappeared the next day, and the quarantine had absolutely nothing to do with it. Did you see the pandemic going just like that?
Well, neither did Master Hanz see the pandemic coming, so this seems perfectly appropriate…
Womp womp womp.
2. Barbie Forteza and Jak Roberto Community Quarantine
Remember the times we did a Community Quarantine because we blatantly ran out of good ideas as to how to deal with this pandemic? Remember the times we got random, completely unsolicited news updates about how Barbie Forteza and Jak Roberto are doing? Same thing.
Not pictured: relevance.
1. Cardo Dalisay Community Quarantine
And we leave you with the most obvious one: the Cardo Dalisay Community Quarantine is the one that never, ever ends.
In other words, literally the very quarantine we’ve been going through the last two years and counting.
Got any other celebrity-themed community quarantine ideas? Drop ’em in the comments below!