What People Who
Grew Up With Female Father Figures
Know to Be True
What People Who
Contrary to popular belief, girls don’t have a monopoly on daddy issues—guys have them, too—so we can break that stereotype straight off the bat.
In a patriarchal society, it’s easy to understand why people automatically give you a sober “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that” with a corresponding look of pity when they find out that you were raised by a single mother. Actually, scratch that—raised by strong female figures, regardless of whether they were our titas, lolas or cousins twice removed.
We have about as many quirks and issues as the next person who grew up in a traditional household (maybe even less), and we wouldn’t change anything about our upbringing for all the manly pats on the back in the world. So really, everyone, we’re fine. As a matter of fact, we’re doing much better than you expected us to.
8. We don’t need pity.
Hetero-normative culture be damned, the women who raised us also taught us everything we need to know about loving ourselves and becoming a fully functional member of society. Sure, we come with a convenient sob story about our absentee parent or how our fathers never hugged us, but if you’re going to feel bad for us about something, do it over the fact that we spilled coffee on our shirt or tripped in front of our crush—not because we come from a different family background than you.
7. Our “daddy issues” don’t make us special.
A lot of things are attached to having “daddy issues”: issues with intimacy, being emotionally unavailable, getting easily attached to people who can take on that role in our lives, ad nauseam. Here’s the thing though: a lot of factors play into having any of those issues, not just growing up without a dad. In fact, you could grow up to have all of the above and still have had the best father in the world. Things are always more complicated than they seem, so writing it off as “daddy issues” is an unfair generalization.
6. We don’t blame you, dad.
Not in the least. Whatever reason there is for not having a strong male figure or presence in our life doesn’t mean that we hate them or don’t acknowledge the strong male presence that we do have in the form of other family members or friends. Some people just aren’t wired to be dads—we learned that a long time ago. Rather than waste time and energy on it, we moved on.
5. We don’t subconsciously crave male attention.
Our strong, awesome female father figures taught us, through example, that loving and appreciating ourselves are more important than what any single person can give you. We grew up just as loved as the next person, thank you very much. We don’t go running after every person who pays us the slightest bit of attention because we simply don’t need to.
