8List.ph
  • News
    • Showbiz
    • Opinion
    • Sports
    • Profiles
    • Weird
  • Adulting
    • Career
    • Money
    • Health
    • School & Learning
    • Relationships
  • Pop
    • Movies & TV
    • Music
    • Books
    • Games
    • Theater
    • Retro
    • K-World
  • Lifestyle
    • Style
    • Beauty
    • Food & Drink
    • Nest
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Pinoy
  • Videos
    • 8List Asks
    • Pagsubeks
    • Kaya Today!
    • Archives
      • 8list Plays
      • 8List Explores
      • 8List Presents
      • 88 Seconds
      • 8secs
      • Filgood
      • Isabuhay Ang Panata
      • #8MinutesWith
      • YOUth DECIDE
      • Str8 Up with Delamar
      • Toughest Job 2016
  • H8 Mondays
  • Breathe
  • About
  • Sitemap
  • Advertise
  • Privacy
  • Archive
  • Bitesized.ph
  • Windowseat.ph

 

 

 

8List.ph is published by ID8, Inc.

Subscribe
8List.ph
8List.ph
  • News
    • Showbiz
    • Opinion
    • Sports
    • Profiles
    • Weird
  • Adulting
    • Career
    • Money
    • Health
    • School & Learning
    • Relationships
  • Pop
    • Movies & TV
    • Music
    • Books
    • Games
    • Theater
    • Retro
    • K-World
  • Lifestyle
    • Style
    • Beauty
    • Food & Drink
    • Nest
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Pinoy
  • Videos
    • 8List Asks
    • Pagsubeks
    • Kaya Today!
    • Archives
      • 8list Plays
      • 8List Explores
      • 8List Presents
      • 88 Seconds
      • 8secs
      • Filgood
      • Isabuhay Ang Panata
      • #8MinutesWith
      • YOUth DECIDE
      • Str8 Up with Delamar
      • Toughest Job 2016
  • H8 Mondays
  • Breathe
  • Pop

8 Reasons My Money is on Mystica to Beat Marlene AguilarIn a Street Fight

  • Posted on Jan 27, 2015Jan 27, 2015
  • 1 minute read
  • Kel Fabie
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

8 Reasons My Money is on Mystica to Beat Marlene AguilarIn a Street Fight


[dropcap letter=”W”]e’ve all heard the story by now: sometime during the tail end of the Papal visit, Marlene Aguilar went on a bizarre tirade on him (accusing him a child rapist, among other things), as she is wont to do, and it turned viral. Mystica took umbrage to the She Dragon’s allegations, and promptly called Marlene’s bluff by accepting Marlene’s challenge to a fight, even raising the stakes by making it a street fight to the death.

Then, Marlene Aguilar set the terms of the challenge. Or not. Who knows with these two, really?

Still, the whole thing boggles the mind. Think about it for a moment: it’s a street fight, not just for Pope Francis – for God! Forget Wrestlemania or the UFC or even Mayweather vs. Pacquiao: this is the fight that needs to happen.

As much as you are excited to see this fight as I am, though, I will have to spoil the ending for you right now if it ever does happen: Mystica will win. I know this better than anyone. Why I am admitting this right now, I will never understand.

Nonetheless, here are 8 reasons why the only logical conclusion of this fight is seeing the Split Queen’s arm raised in victory.

 

8. Mystica is fighting for a noble cause.


Via mystictalents.tripod.com

If this fight happens, proceeds from the fight will go to constructing the Mystica Temple for Christ, which is a totally legitimate thing. It even has its own website and everything.

Meanwhile, what is Marlene really fighting for? To pretend that saying whatever she thinks is some kind of praiseworthy virtue, when any Tom, Dick, and Harry can do just that? Meh.

When one’s (literal) blood money is meant to create something far bigger than themselves, you know they are motivated beyond your wildest dreams. In fact, given how Mystica has urged us to pray the Sinner’s Prayer in the past, I’m not even sure if she’s a Catholic, to begin with.

Yet here she is, defending the honor of the Pope and Catholics alike.

 

7. Marlene is pulling a Mayweather.


Via gmanetwork.com

Despite agreeing to do the fight, Marlene Aguilar has suddenly kept mum against Mystica and hasn’t worked out any further details to this epic bout. While there is no confirmation that this indicates that the She-Dragon is terrified of Mystica “the Dragonslayer” Cassidy, we are duty-bound to assume  that this is the case.

Marlene is ducking Mystica for exactly the same reason Floyd is ducking Manny: a distinct shortage of balls.

 

6. Spicy. Facebook.


Via devasishanti.blogspot.com

Mystica is responsible for skyrocketing the career of an actress named “Spicy Facebook.” Your argument is invalid.

 

5. Which other fighter is best known for splits?


Via koibeyondpond.blogspot.com

Mystica is known as the Split Queen. There is one other very famous fighter known for splits, too. Can you guess who he is?

You don’t even need to see his face.

That’s right. Jean Claude Van Damme himself. With that kind of precedent backing Mystica up, why would you even think for a moment Marlene has a chance?

 

4. Mystica puts her money where her mouth is.


Via facebook.com

Unlike Marlene Aguilar, Mystica is so confident in herself that she willingly bets $2 BILLION DOLLARS on herself to win.

If you don’t believe that she has $2B just lying around, then you haven’t seen Mystica’s Ultimate Secrets to Success yet.

 

3. We’ve seen Mystica fight before. Marlene? Not so much.

A whirling dervish of pain and death!

Mystica’s 7-hour film “Querido” has shown how well she can fight, and this gives us all the confidence in the world that she can lay some serious smackdown on Marlene before turning her attentions to the nearest hot guy in the battlefield and lay the smackdown on that dude some other way.

 

2. Mystica has well-documented endurance puts anyone else to shame.


Via youtube.com

Did we mention that “Querido” was seven hours long? That’s how long Mystica can go, and then some. Do we really expect Marlene Aguilar to match Mystica’s stamina? Didn’t think so, either.

 

1. What is Marlene Aguilar’s best-documented skill?


Via wereblog.com

Hiding, of course.

I rest my case.

 

Who do you think will win? Place your bets in the comments section below!

 


Total
0
Shares
0
0
0
Avatar photo
Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

Previous Article
  • Pop

8 Disappointed Tweets About Miss Universe 2014

  • Posted on Jan 26, 2015Apr 13, 2021
  • 8List
View Post
Next Article
  • 8List

8 Silly Things You Notice While Watching Miss Universe and The Royal Rumble (at the Same Time)

  • Posted on Jan 27, 2015Jan 27, 2015
  • Kel Fabie
View Post
You May Also Like
View Post
  • Opinion
  • Pop

8 Lessons We Can Learn from the AllTV Debacle

  • Posted on Feb 6, 2023
  • Kel Fabie
View Post
  • Pop

No More Password Sharing? What You Need to Know About Netflix’s Upcoming Changes

  • Posted on Feb 2, 2023Feb 2, 2023
  • Kyzia Maramara
View Post
  • Pop

Women Are Not Pieces of Meat: Gabriela Responds to ‘Misogynistic’ Subway Philippines Ad

  • Posted on Feb 2, 2023Feb 2, 2023
  • Kyzia Maramara
View Post
  • Pop

If Your Favorite Celebrity Had Bondee, Here’s What They’ll Look Like

  • Posted on Feb 1, 2023Feb 1, 2023
  • Meryl Medel
Bondee, Blockchain, and NFTS
View Post
  • Games
  • Pop

Bondee, Blockchain, and NFTs: What You Need to Know

  • Posted on Jan 31, 2023
  • Meryl Medel
Bondee rooms
View Post
  • Games
  • Pop

Bondee But Make It Pinoy: 8 Witty Rooms Designed by Filipinos

  • Posted on Jan 30, 2023Jan 30, 2023
  • Meryl Medel
View Post
  • Movies & TV
  • Pop

Watchlist: Here’s Why ‘Dirty Linen’ Deserves to Become Everyone’s New Favorite Show

  • Posted on Jan 26, 2023Jan 27, 2023
  • Edgardo Toledo
View Post
  • Pop

Bondee: Why Everyone’s Obsessed With This New Social Media App

  • Posted on Jan 24, 2023Jan 26, 2023
  • Meryl Medel
1 comment
  1. Pingback: 8 Pitiful Attempts by Celebrities to Stay Relevant – 8List.ph

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get the l8est delivered right to your inbox.

8List.ph
  • About
  • Sitemap
  • Advertise
  • Privacy
  • Archive
  • Bitesized.ph
  • Windowseat.ph
Your daily dose of entertaining, useful and informative lists.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.