By Kel Fabie
Nation, it’s hard to think of a senator more committed to fighting for us than Manny Pacquiao.
Truly, a man of action!
Despite the fact that our honorable senator has been truly an exemplar of leadership, it is very clear that the man defers to a higher power. He defers to God, which is pretty awesome. Because nothing expresses a lawmaker’s expertise in following the law of the land than in blatantly ignoring the separation between Church and State as enshrined by the constitution.
Here are just a few more things that are totally in the Bible that should help our beloved Senator in his quest to use it to inform his lawmaking career.
8. The evils of lechon.
Who doesn’t love lechon, right? Clearly, Manny does. That is why it saddens me that I need to point out that he might have missed the part where he was not supposed to partake in any of that.
Still not as bad as the pork barrel, though.
The Passage: And the pig, though it has a divided hoof, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you. (Leviticus 11:7-8)
It’s a bit unfortunate, really, but the Bible said so, right? Are we going to say that we are greater than God to argue against this?
7. A possible future for Queen Elizabeth.
Queen Elizabeth is Manny’s adorable daughter.
Seen here, looking very regal and queenly.
Wouldn’t it be totally tragic if, say, Manny tried to sell his daughter into slavery? Surely, that has got to be something really unthinkable and abhorrent, right?
The Passage: If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do. (Exodus 21:7)
No chill, Bible! Totally no chill. But hey, it’s in the Bible, so it’s got to be okay and totally endorsed by God! At least, in the worst-case scenario, if Manny ever became dirt-poor the next day, selling off his daughter is still on the table, as far as the Good Book is concerned.
6. What Jesus thinks about mixing religion with governance.
Considering how Manny seems to be constantly confusing his being a pastor with his being a senator—except for the part where he actually does his job as a pastor. One would have to wonder what his lord and savior thinks about this alchemy he’s performing.
Singing, boxing, basketball, law-making, and now this? Manny is truly a Renaissance man!
The Passage: Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” And they were amazed at him. (Mark 12:17)
Wait, what? You’re not supposed to mix the two, and any attempt at doing that is a fool’s errand? Oh, come on, Bible! You’re just making Manny look bad now.
5. The trouble with tattoos.
Manny has some awesome tattoos.
Okay, maybe “awesome” was not the best word choice…
Isn’t it amazing that the Bible totally acknowledges tattoos and says…oh, come on!!!
The Passage: Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:28)
Is it just me, or is the guy who keeps quoting the Bible not doing a great job of following the Bible?