How the Five-Planet Alignment
Can Affect You
According to Your Sign
by Abu Poblete
11 years have passed since Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn lined up in the night sky and they’re finally making a comeback starting tonight until February 20. With the planetary alignment, the five planets also made sure that they will give us earthlings some special gifts that will make a major change in our lives (or not).
Here is an almost-exact forecast of the gifts that the alignment will bring us, arranged according to zodiac signs.
You will accidentally like your crush’s Instagram post from 72 weeks ago.
Aquarius and Capricorn
The two of you have been good friends ever since you can remember and both your families are already preeetty tight. But because of this rare planetary alignment, your friendship will be put to the test. A certain Scorpio will get a little too close to Aquarius. Capricorn will be jealous of this newly found friend because Aquarius forgot about their movie night. Capricorn will then ignore the hundred messages, texts and calls of Aquarius.
But at the last night of the alignment, Aquarius will finally realize that he or she’s been in love with Capricorn all this time.
You will be rewarded career-wise during the planetary alignment! A promotion will finally come your way after all the pounds you gained from that pitch you’ve been preparing for weeks. It’s also the first happy thing you’ll receive after the breakup with the person you thought you’d spend your life with. But hey, at least you’ll get a raise!
Pisces and Taurus
Get rid of all those jogger pants and high heel sneakers you panic-bought last year because the five planets are already judging you.
All those creepy tweets to your all-time celebrity crush will not have been sent in vain because he or she will finally notice and follow you back. He will then post a photo of you guys smooching in bed and you’ll be the luckiest girl in the world. Be careful for the 20 or more crazy fans who will attack you in the street, though.
Make sure to bring a towel and a face mask when you’re in public because everyone will be weirdly sweaty during the month, and you wouldn’t want any toxic body fluids to get to you.
Gemini and Libra
Gemini and Libra will have pleasant commutes to and from work as you will not encounter any rude taxi drivers who will curse at you or attack you with a samurai sword.
Leo and Sagittarius
You will both be fine. Except you should probably pay your bills. Or this will be the last thing you load on your mobile data plan.
If you don’t like and share this list, you will have 8 years of bad luck.