Signs WebMD is Turning You into
WebMD is a small blackhole that will suck you in if you want to. It’s a library of almost all recorded diseases in human history and it presents them in tiny, easily-digested, information nuggets. This tends to turn some people into the worry-infested zombies called hypochondriacs.
Now called the somatic symptom disorder, hypochondria is a psychological disorder that makes people excessively and unrealistically worry about their health. It can make people needlessly worry about their well-being. A single sneeze triggers a run to a doctor for proof that you are terminally ill. But hey, why am I even explaining this to you when you’ve probably already read this on WebMD, right?
Hypochondria apparently, is a disease you catch on WebMD. Here are the symptoms.
8. You think one cough is a sign of lung cancer
Or basically any serious illness with coughing as a symptom is what you have. This is the same with that time you had some abdominal pains and you telling kept everyone that you might have a tumor. And why?Because WebMD told you.What you may actually have is a steady rise in self-inflicted stress levels brought on by worrying and obsessively reading up on imaginedillnesses .
7. You consult WebMD first before an actual doctor
In your hypochondriac world, WebMD is the god that rruns your entire life. What do doctors know anyway, right? They’re only there to prescribe drugs for conditions that WebMD plainly says you’re suffering from. Oh wait, WebMD also carries information on treatment and medication. Doctors are so fallible. A digital page is way more reliable.
6. Your doctor spends more time convincing you that you’re fine instead of diagnosing you
”Lay it on me straight, Doc. I can take it. Am I doomed?” Where have you heard that, before? Oh yeah, from your own lips, just yesterday – at the derma clinic.
5. You’re still sure you’re ill after going to the doctor
There are only 3 things you’re sure of: First, you’ve got SOMETHING. Second, whatever you have, it’s either incurable or fatal or both (probably infectious, too). Third, doctors routinely misdiagnose. Which leads you to…
4. Go to even more doctors
Hey, it won’t hurt to get a second opinion. Or a third and a fourth. Someone’s gotta get it right. You’re certainly not going to pay for a consultation just to be told you’re not sick, no sir. Don’t these doctors even read WebMD?
3. You drive your family and friends up the wall with your obsession over their health.
For the life of you, you can’t understand why they don’t understand. Can’t they see how important it is to discuss the color, texture, frequency and timing of their poop? And surely someone has to tell them that a liter or two of sunblock will keep them safe from melanoma. And when they finally scream“you’re driving me crazy!” you triumphantly say “A sure sign of dementia! Go see a psychiatrist.”
2. Your family is starting to worry about you
Again, all the symptoms are there: the troubled stares and obvious side-glances. They never want to leave you alone anymore, and strangely, all the scissors and knives and razors disappear from your room. They keep whispering about you but never admit it. You just have to yell: “I’m NOT paranoid, dummies!”.
1. You deny that you’re a hypochondriac
You simply have it on the best authority that you really are sick. All anyone has to do is go to WebMD to see for himself. No reason to think you’re funny in the head. It doesn’t mean you’re a mental case just because you go anal over diseases and viruses. Or does it?
Guilty of these signs? Or are you going to check WebMD first? Share your thoughts below!