We Sent An 8list Writer To A Cruise Ship—Here’s 8 Things He Experienced
By Wincy Aquino Ong
Fact: I’m an airplane kind of guy. I’ve never been on a cruise ship before.
It’s not that I get seasick easily. Or that I’m scared of the open-water. (Hey, I do laps on the pool everyday.) Maybe it’s just that for middle-class Filipinos like me, there’s a certain stigma attached to cruise ships. We either think it’s: a) for the bakya set who can’t afford plane tickets, or b) for your typical Titas of Manila who sport poofy ‘80s hair and gyrate all night with ambiguously gay DIs.
Turns out I was wrong. Here are 8 things I discovered about going on a cruise:
8. Things you can’t do on a plane.
Like St. Paul on the road to Damascus, it hit me. So that’s why people go on a cruise: There are things you can do on a ship that you can’t on a plane.
For instance, stretching your legs. Or doing yoga. Or getting lungfulls of fresh air. Or hell yeah, getting some ventosa.
Economy what? Everyone’s in First Class here, baby.
Sure, the journey is much slower, but sometimes, as the Hallmark card goes, “It’s the journey, not the destination.”
7. Buffet all the way.
Are you a fan of buffet places like Vikings or Circles? Or better yet, are you tired of eating microwaved meals while dodging elbows in a cramped seat? Then, you, my friend, might as well have been born on a cruise ship.
Everyday is buffet day, from breakfast to dinner. And there’s a lot on your list of options— from a poolside barbecue grill to a Chinese-style family restaurant to a swanky wine bar that would make James Bond blush, you’ll turn cross-eyed from the choices.
6. It’s like a floating hotel.
Yeah, without the help of melatonin supplements. Sleeping on an airplane is close to impossible. On a cruise ship, though? You’ll sleep as if you’re being rocked on a hammock. I know I did.
That’s because you have your own cabin. Dare I mention that there’s also a spa on board? A Jacuzzi? A frickin’ casino? Of greater import, there’s no need to fall in line in case of number two. It’s a floating hotel, for crying out loud!
5. Theatrical shows galore.
If you’re bored staring at the seagulls and the roiling waters, there’s also other things you can treat your eyeballs to. On board, I was able to watch this avant-garde acrobat show called Odyssey. I didn’t quite get the plot, but I remember seeing long-legged Scandinavian women and steroidal sailors doing things with stretchy fabrics.
Oh, and late at night, when all the children were asleep, I was also able to sneak into an adults-only burlesque reminiscent of Dita Von Teese’s. Suffice to say, there were a lot of glands on display. (Oy! I shall schedule my confession with Father Steve.)
