Week in Weird: Parents Are Pissed at This New Kids’ Show That Features a Man With a Magic Penis
Jan 8, 2021   •   Kyzia Maramara
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Jan 8, 2021   •   Kyzia Maramara
The first week of a new year has passed and with it a slew of weird and WTF news. Folks, it’s time to scrunch up your eyebrows (or laugh) as we lay out this week’s weirdest starting with a love triangle quarrel in the middle of a street.
“Sana all pinagaagawan!”
It’s almost as if a budget True Beauty episode was unfolding before everyone’s eyes as the love triangle spat continued. Everyone is in suspense: who will this ate girl choose? We were rooting for Jacket Dude but when Tank Top Dude protectively put his arms around the girl and she actually hugged him back to end the fight, all bets were off. Jacket Dude had to walk away, heartbroken that he wasn’t chosen. Well, now he can sit at a table with Start-Up‘s Han Ji Pyeong and — dare we say — True Beauty‘s Han Seo Jun.
I finally saw the “matigas na bakery” sandwiched by SM Sangandaan in Caloocan. 👩🍳🍞 pic.twitter.com/gVIu7pHWIf
— justin (@justindedios) January 1, 2021
Money can’t buy you everything and SM Supermalls know this thanks to a bakery that stood its ground and became beacon of hope of sorts (take that, capitalism!). Its name on Google Maps quite literally says it all: Matigas na Bakery HINDI KAYANG BAYARAN NI SM (the actual name of the bakery is Eastward but where’s the fun in that?).
The small structure is sandwiched between SM Sangandaan in Caloocan, satellite photos show how the bakery cuts into the mall like a thorn on its concrete flesh. The next time you’re in the area, you might want to buy a bag of pandesal from them. Under the original post, netizens rounded up similar setups where malls couldn’t buy out other establishment owners so they had to circle around them.
You read that right. John Dillermand (which roughly translates to John Penis-Man) is a Danish show about an animated clay man with an — are you ready for this — extendable fully-clothed penis. His unusually long genitalia can “save children from danger, fetch objects from a river and operate as a pogo stick” among many things. It even appears to have a mind of its own. Naturally, it was met with criticism especially considering it’s marketed for kids under 10 years old. Adults, on the other hand, are enjoying the kid’s show even going so far as suggesting that Cartoon Network’s adult-oriented nighttime programming Adult Swimshould pick it up.
My credit card has just been hacked! May nag order ng P1M worth of food sa Food Panda in less than an hour. Ano yan lauriat para sa buong barangay??? pic.twitter.com/pfpcck9tG6
— Sherwin Gatchalian (@stgatchalian) January 6, 2021
The New Year celebrations aren’t over until this hacker says it’s over. Early this week Sen. Sherwin Gatchalian was dumbfounded someone used his Unionbank credit card to purchase almost P1 Million on food panda orders. “Ano yan lauriat para sa buong barangay???” he tweeted incredulously. Later on, it was found that the hacker actually bought alcoholic beverages. Authorities are yet to trace where the beer bottles lead to. While some netizens offered the senator sympathy, others took the savage route:
Sana nga simutin niya ang laman. Sayang lang kung mapupunta sa early campaign materials mo na face shield.
— 🍀🌿🌱🍃 jo 🍃🌱🌿🍀 (@notinherent) January 6, 2021
gaya ng sinabi ng kapatid mo tungkol dun sa illegal vaccination
— JUNKIE PACQUIAO 🏳️🌈 (@okcompyuter) January 6, 2021
Alam mo na ang feeling ng ninanakawan, anez?
— AltABSCBN (@AltABSCBN) January 6, 2021
What’s happening? Colonizers Annie, Bianca and Kate have discovered a new and improved tile game, once known as mahjong but now is a reflection of their individual style and fun. This is a textbook example of #culturalappropriation so happy 2021 everyone. pic.twitter.com/EYNpwmeRFR
— “it’s allergies not Covid19, dear Caucasian” (@mskathykhang) January 4, 2021
Netizens were enraged when they found out about the existence of The Mahjong Line, a company owned by three women who tried to “white-wash” an ancient Chinese game. For a supposed minimalist theme, their tile designs are “jarring and ugly” as one person commented with an equally shocking price tag. Outraged people took to Twitter to air their frustration saying that the whole point of the original mahjong tiles is so that players can recognize their tiles with a simple glance. Now that The Mahjong Line has made it Instagrammable, cute, and “more fun,” it actually defeats the purpose. The owners did issue an apology after the backlash but by then, it was too late.
your charcuterie boards could never pic.twitter.com/Qjfb8qzhMY
— Alfiee (@lazyalfon) January 2, 2021
It’s cute that #CharcuterieBoardChallenge is a thing over on Facebook. During the holiday people pulled out all the stops — cheeses, fruits, cold cuts, crackers, the works! — and made us feel poor with our bag of rotisserie chicken. One netizen even made a charcuterie platter out of McDonald’s favorites. But over on Twitter, it’s a different thing and it’s depressing.
An FB friend and college acquaintance ordered a charcuterie board and got this ashfklfphwpflkpwl I still can’t believe this is real pic.twitter.com/FgC6ClVXFC
— Inka Magnayeon (@audiophilian) December 31, 2020
street charcuterie pic.twitter.com/N9SQrCg5me
— ً (@chrsdle) January 4, 2021
And worse, kitang kita yung pag acting ng nanay. Right after fake crying, back to normal na si nanay. I’ll let the video do the talking. pic.twitter.com/fyZbv1poA2
— Sacrificial Lamb (@DaceraLies) January 5, 2021
On Friday morning, Thelma Chiong’s name trended alongside Sharon Dacera’s, the mother of alleged rape-slay victim flight attendant Christine Angelica Dacera. This was after netizens watched footage of Sharon attempting to fight back tears while at a press con and appealing to “Tatay Digong” to give her daughter justice. “Right after fake crying, back to normal na si nanay,” one netizen commented.
Very Thelma Chiong ang vibes ni mother :(
— Lady Mishil (@mishilofsilla) January 7, 2021
Netizens also couldn’t help but compare Sharon with Thelma Chiong, the mother of 1997 rape-slay victims Marijoy and Jacqueline Chiong. In the latter’s quest to find justice for her girls, Paco Larrañaga was was pinned as the mastermind and arrested for the brutal crime despite a lack of evidence.
Netizens drew parallels between a photo of Sharon hugging PNP chief General Debold Sinas (who tagged Dacera’s death as a rape-slay despite an autopsy saying that she died due to ruptured aortic aneurysm) and Thelma giving the Chiong’s star witness Davidson Rusia special treatment despite him being part of Larrañaga’s gang that allegedly killed her daughters.
Thelma Chiong: Thelma 2021version: pic.twitter.com/l0ETlkbSSm
— Orange Juice (@RenatoManuel30) January 7, 2021
While many think that the situation seems a bit odd, it’s important to note that Sharon is still a grieving mother who just lost her daughter, and everyone grieves in different ways. We also still don’t know what really happened yet and the weight of a sensationalized death is on the Dacera family’s shoulders. It must be exhausting to deal with the confusion and media attention while processing the passing of a loved one. Let’s just hope for the best that the Dacera case gets solved as soon as possible.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen all week?
Kyzia spends most of her time capturing the world around her through photos, paragraphs, and playlists. She is constantly on the hunt for the perfect chocolate chip cookie, and a great paperback thriller to pair with it.
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