This Week in Weird News:
Hail Hydra Edition
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
As evidenced by the bipolar weather, summer is about to end. Gone are the days of complaining about the heat. Pretty soon, we’re going to start complaining about the rain, and how amount of said rain can contribute to an ungodly amount of traffic. Who cares, traffic is a sign of progress, right? Right? No? Ok then.
The change in weather must contribute to people doing all sorts of shenanigans. Let’s take a look at the weird things that’s been happening this week. Take it away, outdatedly animated Red Skull and Captain America!
8. Man stabs five students to death, thought he was killing werewolves
24-year old Matthew de Grood stabbed five students to death at a house party, claiming he was killing werewolves and that the son of God was controlling him. On De Grood’s behalf, his lawyer pleaded not guilty in killing Joshua Hunter, Jordan Segura, Lawrence Hong, Zackariah Rathwell and Kaitlin Perras at a house party in April 15, 2014. In a statement, De Grood told police “what I did may seem atrocious, but I was killing Medusas, werewolves.”
“I just want to say that when I stabbed them, I tried to do it mercifully. I aimed for their heart. They put up a struggle which made it hard, but, so you know, it wasn’t sadistic or anything,” he added.
Police have said that this incident is the worst mass killing in Calgary.
7. What’s going on in this scene from Hey Arnold?
imma just pretend i didn't just catch this nigga eatin ass in hey arnold pic.twitter.com/ItszRzRcj1
— Marcus (@STOPFLEXIN) May 23, 2016
Hey Arnold was one of Nickelodeon’s most popular cartoons. It became an integral part of a 90s kid’s childhood, thanks to its emotionally-charged storytelling and occasionally mature themes that tackled themes like friendship, growing up and acceptance. However, no one thought it would be THAT mature when the interwebs uncovered this possibly NSFW scene from Hey Arnold:
As Arnold and Helga leave a party, check out that window. What’s that guy doing? Is that guy tossing someone’s salad? Giving someone a rimjob? Tongue-cleaning someone’s bootyhole? Needless to say, this got guys and gals questioning what they just saw.
apparently hey arnold knew eatin ass was the movement 💀
— Tweezo 🤮🖕🏾 (@antonumba8) May 25, 2016
However if you watch the video again, it looks like the guy in question was licking his plate.
— urdumb4replying 2me (@urdumb4replying) May 24, 2016
The question now is, does that guy prefer tossing salads with jelly or syrup?
6. Kim Jong-un launches matchmaking contest for sister
North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un is set to initiate a matchmaking contest to find a suitable husband for his sister Kim Yo-jong. A member of North Korea’s Central Committee, Kim Yo-jong will hopefully find forever with a man handpicked by her brother. The requirements? Bachelors hoping to woo Kim Yo-jong must be at least 5’10” in height, a graduate or studying at Pyongyang’s Kim Il-sung University, and must have served in the army.
Considering the alleged rampant torture in the North Korea’s prison camps, you do not want to break Kim Yo-jong’s heart.
5. South Korea Invents Hangover-Curing Ice Cream
Binge-drinkers, casual drinkers and those who drink to soothe wounds that will never heal, rejoice! A South Korean convenience store chain has created an ice cream bar that can cure your hangover.
Called the Gyeondyo-bar, which roughly translates to “hang in there,” the company says it is the first ice cream bar to remedy the after-effects of a night of heavy drinking. The bar’s name “expresses the hardships of employees who have to suffer a working day after heavy drinking, as well as to provide comfort to those who have to come to work early after frequent nights of drinking,” said store chain E-Mart Co Ltd in a press release. The grapefruit-flavored bar contains .7% oriental raisin fruit juice, which has been cited in a Korean medicine book as a hangover cure since in the 1600s.
Cool off and fight that hangover while lying to yourself that you’ll never drink again! Sadly, no news yet on when the bar hits Philippine shores.
4. Man attempts suicide by jumping into lion’s den, zookeepers forced to kill lions
In Chile, a man stripped naked and jumped into a lion’s den at Santiago’s Metropolitan Zoo in an attempt to commit suicide. The man survived. The lions however, were killed in order to save the man. The man, identified by local media as Franco Luis Ferrada Roman, was taken to a nearby hospital and is in grave condition.
In a statement, zoo director Alejandra Montalba said “the zoo has an established protocol because people’s lives are very important to us.” She added that she was deeply affected by the death of the two lions, one male and one female, and that there were no fast-acting tranquilizers that were readily available. Witnesses say that the man was screaming religious proclamations while in the lions’ enclosure.
This is just sad news all around.
3. Man leaves glasses on museum floor, people mistake it for art
What exactly is modern art? It’s as if anything and everything can be called art these days, as long as some self-important dingus slaps their name on it and has it displayed in a museum. Heck, even you might be part of an exhibit and not know it. Teenager TJ Khayatan decided to put this theory to the test.
Khayatan and his friends visited the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and though initially impressed by the exhibit, some pieces left a lot to be desired. “Upon first arrival we were quite impressed with the artwork and paintings presented in the huge facility. However, some of the ‘art’ wasn’t very surprising to some of us,” he told Buzzfeed. He cited a stuffed animal on a gray blanket as an example. It was at this time Khayatan and his crew decided to put the so-called art lovers present to the test. He put his glasses on the floor just to see how people would react to it.
A few moments later, people started crowding around his glasses to view it and take pictures. He soon took pictures of the people admiring his masterpiece. Though some may find this funny or lose faith in people, his “art” made people think, and that’s exactly what art should do.
2. Tanauan City organizes “Flores de Pusher”
In news that would bring a smile to president-elect Rodrigo Duterte, Tanauan City recently held a “Flores de Pusher,” where suspected drug pushers were paraded around the city. The pushers were paraded around with placards that proclaimed “ako’y pusher, wag tularan.”
Tanauan Mayor Antonio Halili is known for his tough stance on crime and for his shame campaigns. In 2014, he ordered a man to walk around the city while carrying a sign saying he stole fish from the market. With his hands tied, he was also forced to kneel in front of the fish vendor and ask for forgiveness. In 2015, he made a man who allegedly stole P3,000 worth of cable wires walk around in public.
1. Captain America is an agent of Hydra
Here’s something no one saw coming. After Captain America’s 75 years in comics, it turns out Steve Rogers is an agent of Hydra. Marvel comics introduced the shocker in Captain America: Steve Rogers # 1. With Rogers uttering “Hail Hydra,” the Marvel universe was turned on its head and has sent fans in an uproar. How can you not be shocked? One of comic books’ symbols of freedom is actually working with the bad guys. According to Marvel executive editor Tom Brevoort, this has been in the works since 2014. We’ll have to wait and see where the new adventures of Steve Rogers will take us with this new revelation.
Meanwhile, Chris Evans isn’t too pleased:
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) May 26, 2016
What weird stuff is happening on your end of the web? Sound off in the Comments Section!