Scrolling through a food delivery app when you’re hungry is about the same as choosing a movie on Netflix for the weekend — both difficult decisions. You never seem to know what cuisine you would like to eat and which from the dozens of restaurants to pick. That is why restaurants work hard to end your pain and suffering by putting lengthy descriptions on their dishes so detailed you could almost taste it. Well, one such restaurant in La Union did the exact same thing — but with a twist. What kind of descriptions make for a funny restaurant menu?
Hungry for some honest descriptions?
Please… these descriptions 😭 pic.twitter.com/lg1oakZv5h
— somnus / dáin (@dreizehnth) August 20, 2021
Honesty is the best policy indeed. Seafood restaurant Patio Del Sol in La Union could put an abrupt stop to your doom scrolling on foodpanda (if there is such a thing). Why, you ask? Their descriptions will catch you off guard.
For example, if you scroll through Max’s menu, you’ll see their signature Sizzling Tofu described as “deep-fried tofu cubes tossed in a cream sauce topped with chilies.” You can smell the aroma, your mouth waters. And you would very nearly click “add to cart.” That’s how strong food descriptions can be. But what if they were truly honest? Well..Peep the best and most hilarious food descriptions from this restaurant:
Lechon Kawali and Sisig
Whoever filed a complaint about sisig in mayo deprived all the mayo lovers out there. But good job.
Hotdog Slices and Tocino
What you see isn’t what you get but at least they’re honest. Fast food restos in the Philippines, take notes.
Kalabasa Sitaw Gata
Admittedly, I had to Google who “Minotaur Alucard Alice” is. They’re three different characters from Mobile Legends, folks. And “mana regeneration” is also, to the best of my Google abilities, a resource for casting spells in the same game. You’re welcome.
A story in three parts
The descriptions for the three following dishes had us creating an entire backstory like some Taylor Swift fanatic decoding Folklore lyrics. First we get the Bagnet Binagoongan:
What a relief to know that the owner’s grandma is still alive! They weren’t clear on it but is the grandma’s name by any chance Layla, as seen on the Bicol Express Bagnet description?
Just when you thought everything is alright, you scroll down further and encounter Kare Kare Bagnet which says:
We therefore conclude that the restaurant owner’s grandmas — maternal and paternal — are excellent cooks.
Fried Tilapia and Stirfry Tofu
Uhm. Yeah. We don’t have any thoughts on this.
Pata with Tofu Tausi and Calamares
A perfect blend of honesty and I’m-running-out-of-ideas-for-descriptions. Take it or leave it.
Once again, we turned to good ol’ Google to decode what this description means. Guess what? Mobile Legends.
NGL, this restaurant really knows how to catch your attention. And honestly, a funny restaurant menu is just what we need to make us smile in tough times. Which creatively described dish particularly calls out to you? Let us know in the comments and we’ll read them while eating “Stirfry Tofu.” Pew pew pew.