Ready Na Ba Kayo? Simbang Gabi #SquadGoals

If you haven’t noticed. Christmas is here in the Philippines. Look around you. There’s already Christmas lights and decorations everywhere, carolers have started singing off-key and banging on your gates as early as November, and Jose Mari Chan is dominating the shopping mall radio. Heck, simbang gabi is happening away. Attending simbang gabi is a Filipino tradition, which brings us to our next question: how will you reprazent during the early morning mass?

Via reddit.com

How do you separate yourself and your squad from the other breezy boys lurking in the shadows? Will you look like #swag or #kuyaswagpo? Fear not, true believer! We’re here to give you some simbang gabi squad goals:

Via pinoyexchange.com

Wear something appropriate for the weather and for Church. Something that will allow you and your private parts to breathe while looking “street” and “legit.” Remember, you have to flaunt your style during such a holy time.

Via jejedex.blogspot.com

You can’t gain any squad street cred without a dope studio photo. Find one with a nice backdrop and wear your freshest gear.

Via pinoytrending.altervista.org

Throw in some gang signs. Who cares if you don’t know what said signs stand for. Make a mean face. Like you just smelled a really nasty fart. Or if you saw that one person who owes you a shit-ton of money post his vacation pictures on Facebook. Think about all the times your dad didn’t hug you. Remember the times when your siblings said you were adopted and that your parents didn’t love you. There you go. The meaner, the more badass your facial expression, the better.

Via proyektongblog.blogspot.com

Now use said photo to announce if the whole world’s ready for your squad. Announce the details: which church you’re going to and to which squad you belong in. Are you part of the TrOpAnG KhUlEtZ or the tr3c3m0b? Announce, represent, and represent hard. Something like, “Simbang gabi na! Ready na ba kayo? RAK NA ITUUU!”

Via knowyourmeme.com

Speaking in jejenese is an art form. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. It takes special skill, intellect and finesse to construct and decipher a sentence in jejemon. Only the most legit squads can communicate in fluent jejenese. Use this to coordinate your plans with your fellow squad members. “EOW P0WH THeRe~ bh0kz. NicE MEEtNg u~ JEjEjeje~ p0Wh.”

Via twitter.com

You have to let everyone else know you’re about to arrive. Arrive in style by blasting the sickest tunes on your mobile phone, because screw personal space. Let everyone know you’re about that simbang gabi and DOTA life. Play this on high volume:

Remember, if it’s too loud, you’re too old. Also, make sure you coordinate with the squad where you’ll be playing DOTA after hearing mass.

Via twitter.com

Now that you’re in church, it’s time to establish your squad’s territory. Occupy a whole pew, whatever. Your squad has arrived and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

Via gothamcityneedsahero.tumblr.com

But seriously, simbang gabi is a solemn time for prayer. Do it because you feel like it or that you WANT to do it, and not because you want to be seen and noticed. It’s not a time to sit down and act like judgmental fascist douchnozzles. For the Catholic faithful, it’s a time to intensify and devote their faith; to prepare mentally and spiritually for Christmas. So just think about what Christmas means to you and reward yourself with some bibingka and puto bumbong after!

Via giphy.com

How about you? What’s your simbang gabi #squagoal? Turn your swag on and let us know in the comments!