8 Things from the 90s We Don’t Want To Revisit
So, you want to time-travel back to the 1990s? Why not? Hey, it’s been 20 years.
Sure, the bands were great. Commuting wasn’t as torturous. And Fidel Ramos did an okay job.
But wait, if you’re itching for another throwback to the decade that brought us Andrew E., the Macarena, Home Along da Riles, Tamagotchi and Michael Jordan’s best days, hold on. Take a step back. Let’s review.
Here are 8 realities that will make you take a rain check.
8. Ill-fitting clothes.
Yeah, in the 90s, there were no Uniqlo or H&M stores in the Philippines.
Have you recently seen photos of yourself back then? This is putting it mildly: Your “look” didn’t age well. (Note: The quotation marks are intentional.)
Looking back, it seemed that basketball fandom reached a fever pitch that sweaters and sweatpants dictated the fit of everything. Man, the clothes were huge, as if the tailor took the measurements off a panda.
If your body needs more cringing, don’t forget those long-back shirts from Lacoste. Oy!
7. Prehistoric Internet.
People from the 90s would throw themselves into epileptic fits when they see modern-day people and their smartphones.
Yup, the internet back then was embarrassingly slow and way too basic. Websites made with Geocities were insulting to the eyeballs. Social media? Ha, we only had chat rooms like mIRC and ICQ. And yes, those dial-up connections required the patience of a Shaolin monk.
6. Instant noodles everywhere.
Today, everybody’s an expert on nutrition. Even your two-year-old niece can recite Jamie Oliver’s credos from memory. In the ‘90s? Ha! You wish.
The FDA said that these just-add-water magic bricks were fortified with so much “vitamins and minerals” that mothers everywhere believed they would make their children stronger, taller, smarter.
Fast-forward 20 years later to an obese and sickly set of adults. Were we really that stupid?
5. Storing Data on CDRs
Computers back then can only store so much on their hard drives, which necessitates backing up data on CDs. Sure DVDs can store more, but they weren’t the norm then. External hard drive in the 90s? Fugeddabout it. Backing up data then would mean spending hours burning on CDs. Such fun.
4. Bigotry towards the LGBT.
BB Gandanghari was still Rustom. Vice Ganda was probably still in puberty.
We only had Roderick Paulate and Eagle back in the day. Yeah, not enough rah-rah to make a rainbow.
Back then, Macho-Tito culture was too pervasive that doing non-macho activities such as yoga, baking, and clarinet-playing automatically warranted remarks such as “Bakla ka!”
3. Basketball was the only legit sport.
The Chicago Bulls’ six championships defined the decade. In effect, basketball as a sport was white-hot. The idea of basketball formed every trend from NBA trading cards to that song R. Kelly song “I Believe I Can Fly”.
And yes, before Efren “Bata” Reyes could disrupt things in 1999, the only sport you should play was basketball—lest you were labeled “bakla.”
You’d actually admire the patience the people had back then, if you only knew what they had to deal with.
In the early ‘90s, with the three-hit combo of the Baguio Earthquake, Mount Pinatubo and the Gulf War, brownouts became a daily burden for the people, back then.
You were either soaked to the marrow in sweat or dead-bored playing with candlewax. And no, there was no way of recharging your Brick Game.
1. Douchebags everywhere.
Yes, folks, it would do the world a great service if the word “douchebag” had been invented in the ‘90s. Why? Because the planet was packed to the gills with them, and we couldn’t put a label on that reality.
A spill-over from the late ‘80s, those arrogant pricks are second-generation yuppie scum, clad from head to toe in Marithé + Francois Girbaud, often sporting Tag Heuer.
And yes, they were obnoxious, dumb, arrogant, un-creative and greedy as Gordon Gecko.
What other cringe-worthy 90s faux pas can you think of? Do us let us know below!