This Week in Weird News:
& DISMEMBERMENT EDITION
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
This week in weird news, it’s the election season and you’d expect the weird behavior to come from our candidates. Said weird behavior ranges from declaring how easy it is to buy drugs in the Philippines (WEH? Hindi nga?) to a candidate trying to revise history. But nope, weird things have been going around in other parts of the world for the week, ranging from the macabre to just plain sad.
Here’s just some of the weird happenings today. Take it away, weird rolling monster girl!
8. Mummified body of German adventurer found in yacht in Surigao Del Sur
The mummified body of a German explorer was recently found inside a yacht in Barobo, Surigao Del Sur. Fisherman approached the yacht since it was drifting with a destroyed sail, then they saw the body inside. The body was hunched over and appeared to be radioing for help. Documents aboard the boat identified the corpse as Manfred Fritz Bajorat, a 59-year old German national. An autopsy report released this week that Bajorat died of a heart attack.
7. Man swims with his pet snake everyday
In “nope nope nope” news, a man was filmed swimming with his pet snake in Queensland’s Tallebudgera Creek. He even appeared to kiss the snake on the lips at it swam back to him whenever he tossed it away. However, the Department of Heritage Protection are not impressed and called the police to investigate charges of animal cruelty. The man, identified as Steven Brimelow, denied the charges.
“Nah, mate, it’s not animal cruelty. We’re just having a play,” said Brimelow. He called the snake, whom he named Dora, the “love of his life.” Meanwhile, we are advising everyone to NEVER kiss a snake on the lips. Because common sense.
6. 5-year old girl blows safety pin out of her nose after 6-month illness
Via ABC News
A 5-year old girl’s suffering from a mystery illness ended when she blew out a safety pin out of her nose. For six months doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with Khloe Russel and kept prescribing her antibiotics for what they suspected to be a sinus infection. However, these proved to be ineffective as Khloe had a constant runny nose and had to blow her nose every five minutes to dispel a “horrific”- smelling green discharge. The mystery illness finally ended when Khloe blew a 1.5 inch safety pin out of her nose. This highlights the importance of picking one’s nose. You’ll never know what you’ll end up picking out of there.
5. Teen didn’t want to wake up and go to school, so he shot his family
As a testament that America’s gun laws are totally fine, a 16-year old is accused of shooting his family after getting into an argument when he didn’t want to get out of bed and go to school. Police say that the teen went into a closet and took out a handgun that nobody else in the house knew he possessed. The teenager then shot at his grandmother, sister and nephew. The boy then fled on foot and was later captured near railroad tracks.
The 67-year old grandmother was hit at least twice while the sister and nephew suffered graze wounds. They are all expected to survive and the teen has been charged with four accounts of attempted homicide and one account of reckless endangerment. Police say it’s still unclear where the teenager got the gun.
4. Glass slide suspends riders 1,000 feet above Los Angeles
Via ABC News
If you’re in the mood to terrify yourself and pee yourself because why not, the Skyslide is coming to Los Angeles this June. The Skyslide promises to give thrill-seekers the chance to get the ride (or slide) of their life. The slide will span 45 feet in length between the US Bank Tower’s 69th and 70th floor. Only a 1.25-inch thick glass separates the riders from the ground below. No news yet if the slide comes with diapers.
3. Corpses being dug up in China on the rise due to “Ghost Marriages”
In China, dead bodies being snatched from their graves are on the rise and expensively sold due to the growing demand for corpse brides. It is believed that it is bad for a man to die unmarried as it will mean bad luck for the families they leave behind. To stop impending misfortune, families are dressing female corpses up and burying them beside their deceased male relatives. It’s been reported that three dozen bodies have been stolen in the past three years. Police arrested three men last year for stealing a corpse. This is seriously not cool.
2. Woman sends selfie to family, forgets to hide sex toys
Via Daily Mail
It started innocently enough when a girl wanted to send a snap of her new hairstyle to her family via group text. But things went Michael Cera-levels of awkward quickly when she left not one, but two sex toys on the toilet and accidentally included them in the picture. Noticing her mistake, the woman begs her brother to spam the thread so that nobody else can see her vibrating machines of pleasure. Being a good brother that he is, he instead uploads it to Imgur to gain fake likes at her expense.
1. Woman holding decapitated child’s head arrested in Moscow
A woman was arrested outside a Moscow metro station and has been charged with murder after showing off a decapitated child’s head and began screaming “Allahu Akbar.” She proclaimed herself a terrorist when police asked her to show her documents.
Investigators say that the woman was a nanny and the victim was a three or four year old under her care. She killed the child in the family apartment before setting fire to the premises and fleeing. The nanny told the court that “Allah ordered her” to commit the act. Police are dismissing the act to be related to terrorism. New reports, however, reveal that the nanny allegedly suffers from schizophrenia.
Got any weird news stories to share? Let us know in the Comments Section!